Tsukiyasha 3 – Ubukata Misao
CV: Tachibana Shinnosuke
Are you awake? I’m coming in.
Good morning. Have you already had breakfast?
I see. Then would you like to have some tea with your breakfast?
There’s some castella left over, so let’s eat it together.
You don’t have to be so cautious. Seeing as the weather is good today, I was just thinking that it would be nice to have some tea with you on the terrace. I’m telling the truth.
I’ll go ahead and get everything ready, so come and eat breakfast. I’ll be waiting for you.
Ah… So you came after all. Sit down here.
If you haven’t had breakfast yet, then castella on its own won’t be enough. I’ve brought some fruit from the kitchen, so just help yourself.
Here you go. Be careful, it’s hot.
Ah… If you’d like some sugar, here it is. Take as much as you like.
Is there anything else you want?
I see. Got it.
Let’s eat then.
I don’t really like the sun, but the blue sky and sunlight really suit you. I’m happy that I’ve been able to have someone as adorable as you all to myself.
Ah… Are you alright?
What’s the matter? You suddenly dropped your cup…
Did you spill any tea on yourself? Let me see.
Thank goodness. You seem to be fine.
Don’t scare me like that. It’d be terrible if you got burnt. You should take better care of yourself.
That look on your face… You don’t seem to be impressed.
You don’t like being treated this way?
Tch… Strange? That’s quite upsetting. I think I’m quite good at charming women though.
Ah… Or would you prefer me to be more forceful?
In that case…
I’m not going to let you escape. You belong completely to me. I’ll fill your mind with thoughts of me, so that you won’t even notice other men.
See… My voice, breath and warmth only belong to you. I want you to feel them even more.
This is enough to make you exhausted?
You’re so innocent. That’s what makes you adorable though.
Hmm? Oh? So you’re still calm enough to ask what I’m going to do next?
Ah… I wish you’d stayed delirious for a little longer.
Oh… Don’t go back to your room!
I went to the trouble of preparing this for you, so why don’t you love me?
Ah… I said it.
Hmm… Just as I said, I wanted you to love me.
Well, never mind. I suppose I’ll tell you everything. That might actually be more convincing to you.
Anyway, why don’t you sit down for now?
After talking to you yesterday, I thought that you might be able to love me. When I think about it carefully, I’m not actually that scared of dying. I’m more afraid of dying alone, surrounded by misfortune.
You’re painfully good-natured and can’t leave an unfortunate person alone, can you? That’s why I’m going to take as much advantage of that as I can. I’m counting on you to become the person who might stop me from dying alone.
So will you listen to a long tale from the past?
I’m going to reveal my past, so I want you to accept it completely. I want you to love me.
I was born to parents who lived deep in the mountains, whilst fearing that they would be hunted down for being yasha. Living in fear of being seen by the villagers and rarely leaving the mountain was an uncomfortable existence.
One day, I ran away from home. I became a police officer so that I could fit into human society, instead of avoiding being seen by anyone else. I was quite happy when I obtained a gun licence after a great deal of effort. From then on, I was summoned to many different places as a well-known marksman.
I went all over Japan as a shooting instructor. When I felt the need to drink blood, I would find a human at random and drain them of their blood during the night. I was living quite comfortably. It was an enjoyable time. That was because I’d achieved a balance between living as a human and the urge to drink blood.
Well, I did feel as if I’d killed so many people that I’d drunk a little too much blood. I was hungry, so I couldn’t have avoided it, could I?
However… At some point, there was a gradual change in my health. I was tired and I felt a dull pain somewhere on my body. That’s all it was…
But yasha weren’t supposed to become ill, so I convinced myself that it was just my imagination or that I wasn’t getting enough sleep.
Not long after that, I experienced an attack during the Battle of Hakodate.
The sun is about to set. Are they still going to keep fighting?
It’s dark and difficult to see, so won’t the musket troops be allowed to retreat soon?
They’re running towards the Goryokaku, so we’ve practically won.
The blood that I coughed up made a dark brown stain at my feet.
My fellow soldiers who were close by stared at me in shock and worried that I’d been shot somewhere. I clutched at my painful chest and looked at my feet in a daze.
I was reminded of something that I’d heard from my parents. Yasha cannot suffer from any of the illnesses that humans do, but there are rare instances where they suffer from one illness. That is an illness which only yasha can suffer from and when they get that illness, there is no chance of recovery. The illness which yasha suffer from is an incurable one.
This can’t be happening… The sickness… Have I become infected with the sickness that only yasha can suffer from?
In other words, it was then that I realised I would always be a yasha, no matter how much I tried. Regardless of how hard I worked as a police officer, how skilled I was at handling a gun or how much I did for the battle between the new government army and the shogunate, I was meaningless. That’s because I am a yasha. It doesn’t matter what happens to the human world. What exactly have I been making all this effort for until now?
When I realised that, a laugh rose up from the depths of my stomach.
I see… So that’s how it is. I can’t become human, no matter what I do. That’s why I was destined to become infected with the sickness only yasha can suffer from and end up dying.
Right… Now I understand! In that case, there’s no reason for me to pretend to be human and make an effort on the battlefield, is there?!
What…? So everything I’ve done until now was meaningless?!
I’m done pretending to be friends with you humans! You should all just die!
I had a good time pretending to be your ally. But now you’re all done for! Goodbye!
You humans don’t have to fear oppression and you take peace for granted!
I’ve always hated you!
No matter how much I lied to myself, I couldn’t become human. Once I realised that, there were many things that didn’t matter anymore. From then on until the end of the war, I would drain humans of their blood if I felt like it, whether they were an enemy or an ally. Shortening my life on the battlefield was a ridiculous thing to do, so I became careless about the missions for the musket troop. When somebody would question me for that, I would keep them quiet by draining them of their blood. During that time, the war came to an end. At some point, the killings of my allies were seen as the work of our enemies. I was praised for being a hero who had survived everything and was awarded with a medal.
However, I didn’t feel happy at all. That’s why I decided to live the way I wanted from then on. I remember involving myself with both men and women, sleeping with them while I drank their blood. Day after day, I killed many humans by drinking their blood. The blood of each human has a different taste from the blood of the others, so I never tired of it. It became natural for me to drain someone of their blood, even when I didn’t have the desire to drink blood.
I became involved with the wife of a senior officer, something I had avoided doing before, for the sake of protecting myself. While we were undressed and affirming our love for each other, that senior officer walked in on us. I hadn’t begun to drink her blood yet, so he didn’t find out that I was a yasha, but he made a fuss about it being immoral and stripped me of my position as an officer.
I was almost exiled. But before that happened, I was rescued by Gento-san. Then I became indebted to the Reimeikan. The air is clear and there are old books in the library too.
Well… I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I thought it was fine. Something like that. That was how the first half of my life was. Nothing good came of being born as a yasha. I wonder why I wasn’t born as a human.
What do you think? Was I able to take advantage of your kindness?
It doesn’t matter if you pity me. As long as you fall in love with me, then it was worth talking for such a long time.
Why would you say something like that?
The people I killed don’t matter, do they?
If you’ve got time to feel sorry for those silent corpses, then feel sorry for me, who’s right in front of you now!
That’s impossible. If I don’t cause misfortune for other people, then I’ll be the only unlucky one, won’t I? I hate things being that way!
I despise the humans who live such carefree lives. They only drive the yasha away instead of trying to understand them. I despise them for being able to walk through the town freely!
That’s why I’m going to drink as much blood as I can. I enjoying ending the lives of those humans who look so happy.
I can’t help laughing the moment those cheerful humans fall into despair. That’s because I’m able to feel as if I’m not as unlucky as they are at those times.
No matter what you think, I feel as if I’m the most unfortunate person in this world. All humans smile happily, don’t they? That’s why I won’t be satisfied until I make humans suffer misfortune. I want a human who is even more unfortunate than someone like me who writhes in agony because of the illness that will kill them one day.
If someone will shed tears thinking of the humans I’ve killed, then I might be able to feel happy, even if it’s only a little.
It’s impossible for me not to kill humans. Or are you going to take all my hate and anger? Enough for all the other humans!
In that case… Tell me that you love me. I’ve probably always wanted humans to love me.
I wanted someone who would accept me as a human and truly love me.
Hey… I want you to love me. Say that you love me.
What do you think? Will you be able to love me if you make an effort? I can’t trust you at all.
Try and do it. If you want to protect the other humans, then try to love me.
Hey. Wake up.
I’m going to drink some blood.
It’s alright. I think the pain won’t be so bad if I drink your blood.
Painkillers? Help me take them then. Use your mouth to pass them to me. Otherwise I won’t take them. I hate medicine.
It seems that you’ve become quite comfortable with me too. You’ll even kiss me if I insist that you do it… Is that the result of your effort to try and love me? I’m quite surprised that you’ve been coming to my room everyday since then. No one has ever stayed by my side for so long. I’m even surprised at myself for being happy about something like this. Sometimes it bothers me that you don’t entertain me at all though.
I’m feeling much better.
Hmm? Is that string the one I gave you before? You kept it?
Hey… You’re not going to show me cat’s cradle again, are you?
You don’t have to! It’s so boring I could die. If you show it to me now, the shock of boredom might actually kill me.
What? We’re going to do it together?
Fine… Just for a little while then.
Well… There’s nothing else to do anyway.
Alright. I’m going to take my fingers out.
Hmm… This really is incredibly boring. You could do something more seductive to comfort me.
Hey… We’ve been together everyday recently, but you don’t love me yet, do you?
What would make you fall in love with me? I’ve finally found a human who will stay with me, so I definitely don’t want to let go of them. I want to be loved by you. That would make me incredibly happy.
You quite like me? You’ve got a strange way of saying things as usual. So what do you “quite like” about me then?
Ah… That’s right. It was a bother, but I did make sure to take you to the town at that time. I thought that I would go home without you, but I did bring you back to the Reimeikan.
Hmm… Is that so? Did I say that the porridge was delicious? I don’t remember.
Ah… I’m playing cat’s cradle with you because I want to attract your attention, but I actually think it’s incredibly boring.
You think I’m kind in a lot of ways?
Hmm… So you’re happy when you find something kind about me. I see.
If you want me to be happy, then hurry up and love me. You’re the one who makes me happy.
I wonder about that… Even if you start feeling that way, I don’t think that it would have any connection to love. You see… In the end, you’re just feeling sorry for me, aren’t you? I thought that it would have been good if an opportunity came from you feeling so sorry for me that you couldn’t just leave me alone.
But can love really develop from feelings like those?
Maybe I’ve made a mistake. I’m terribly unlucky, aren’t I? I didn’t approach you in the right way, so you won’t love me.
Wait a minute! You can deny it if you want to, but we’re still in the middle of doing the cat’s cradle…
Ah! It broke. This is just like you and me. See. Even though it’s wrapped around both of our fingers, the red thread isn’t connected. It’s just tangled.
Even if you tie it back together, it won’t look right. The feelings that have grown between the two of us aren’t beautiful.
I don’t know… If I knew how to feel loved, then I wouldn’t be having a hard time.
Where did you go? You weren’t here when I woke up. An attack started happening and it hurts…
You had a bath? I don’t care about that. Why did you go without saying anything? My body hurts all over and there’s a pain in my chest… You weren’t here when I thought I might die. Can you understand that feeling of despair?
You didn’t actually mean it when you said you’d stay with me and love me, did you?
I’m going to die alone after all. You won’t love me. I won’t become happy at all.
What good will apologising do? I’ve had enough. I don’t need you.
Shut up! Resting won’t help me get better. Leave me alone.
Why are you following me?
That’s right. I’m going to the town. I’m going to choose a random house and drain as many people of their blood as I can. If I’m going to die, then I’ll die after I send as many happy people as possible to the depths of despair.
See. I’ve brought my gun too. If you follow me, then I’ll let you see a joyful and bloody festival.
Could you let go of me?
I’m not going to stop.
It doesn’t matter anymore! Let go of me!
You should at least understand that this is meaningless! I no longer have any attachment to living as a yasha!
That’s why I want causing humans misfortune to be the last thing I do! It doesn’t matter if I release this anger I can’t help feeling at the very end, does it?!
If you really want to stop me… Then die with me. If I’m going to end up dying alone at some point, then I’d rather die with someone else right now. Are you going to make that happen?
That’s right. Of course it’s impossible. But now I’ve realised. The only time I can be sure that you love me is when you die with me.
That’ll be the first time that I’ll realise you love me and that I can be happy. You want to love me, don’t you? You want to save me from my life of misfortune, don’t you?
In that case… Show me your neck. Then let me drain all your blood now. If you can’t do that, then just go back to the house and tremble!
I’ll be caught after killing several people and then I’ll be cruelly executed. There’s no need for you to feel responsible for that.
See you later. Goodbye.
What is it? Do you still want something from me?
Are you joking? It’s not funny at all though.
You’re serious about doing it? You’re offering me your neck because you don’t mind if I drain all your blood?
Let me tell you something… I’ve been serious all along. If you’re offering me your neck, then I’m going to drain all your blood.
You’re such an idiot.
I’m not going to hold back.
Breathe out and breathe in. Then breathe out again.
It doesn’t hurt, does it? I’m going to let you die a pleasurable death.
Hold onto me.
It’s not enough. You won’t die yet.
Can you tell that I’m reaching into a deeper place than I would if we slept together?
It feels good, doesn’t it?
You said you’d die with me… You really are adorably good-natured.
I’ll be incredibly happy if you died in my arms.
Are you crying?
I’m going to take your tears, your blood and the warmth of your body. You can cry as much as you like.
Are you still feeling sorry for me?
Well… I can’t help it. I won’t believe that you love me unless I do this.
If you’re saying that you won’t hate me, even if I kill you, then perhaps that’s love?
Hey… How do you feel? Are you going to end up hating me?
I see… I’m happy.
I feel relieved when I see your face gradually turning pale. You really are going to die for me.
Hey… Tell me you love me. Say “I love you”…
Don’t just say that you might.
I see… Even though you might be lying because you’re still alive…
I wonder why… I’m happy…
I’ve drunk quite a lot.
Hey… Can you still see?
Look… When I hold your hand, the blood drips onto my fingers too… It’s just like a thread.
No matter how much I drink, it still keeps flowing. It’s like an incredibly strong red thread.
Your love will soon be mine.
How strange… The pain in my chest feels different from usual.
When I consider that you’re about to die, I only feel pain on the left side of my chest. Is this love?
Hey… I’ve always felt unlucky to have been born as a yasha, but if you love me, then I might feel differently about it. I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t been born as a yasha.
Perhaps the world is fairer than I thought it was. It’s thanks to you that, for a moment, I was able to feel that being born as a yasha wasn’t such a bad thing.
Can you still hear?
Perhaps you don’t feel good any longer. You don’t feel anything.
I’ll follow you soon enough. You’re incredibly dear to me right now.
I love you.
It’s alright. My body is quite tough.
Wait… I haven’t had enough yet.
I’m not talking about the painkillers. I mean the kisses.
Ah… You’re feeling anaemic again? Now it’s normal for you not to have enough blood.
It’s alright. Go to sleep.
Shouldn’t you say something before you go to sleep?
Yes. I love you too.
In the end, I stopped killing you at the last minute. There’s no doubt that your love is true. That’s because the feeling that you are dear to me is also true.
In that case, I feel as if spending the short amount of time I’ve got left together with you wouldn’t be so bad. All the time I’ve got left is yours. You understand that, don’t you?
I gently touched your pale cheeks as you slept deeply. Even the cold sensation that the flame of your life could fade away at any moment is dear to me.
Hey… Let’s die together next time.
When I’m coughing up blood and about to die, you’ll die with me, won’t you?
Not even death will separate us. That’s something to be happy about, isn’t it?
Thick crimson blood seeped from the bite marks all over your body. Recently, I’ve been feeling thirsty as soon as I wake up, so your wounds don’t even have time to heal. However… You smile gently as you let me take as much blood as I like.
When you smile at me that way… When you embrace me gently… You become even more dear to me. I can’t stop whispering to you that I love you.
I love you.
Come to think of it… What happened to the clock tower? Have they started building it?
Hey… Do you think we’ll survive until the bell in the clock tower rings? I was sure it was impossible, but I’m still alive. It might be more likely than you think.
Don’t you think it would be nice to die while listening to the sound of the bell ring?
Yes… It’s incredibly romantic.
As long as we have time left, why don’t we think about how we would like to die?
I’ll do my best to fulfil your wishes.
So… It sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
I’m feeling sleepy too. Why don’t we go to sleep together?
Ah… I’m so happy. Thank you.
I love you.