Shinsengumi Mokuhiroku Wasurenagusa 6 – Yamazaki Susumu
CV – Morikawa Toshiyuki
Hmm? Are you still awake?
I’m going to come in.
What’s the matter? You’ve still got a light on, even though it’s late.
It’s already late. Please go to sleep soon.
You can’t sleep because you had a bad dream?
I see. If you’d be okay with me, I can stay by your side until you fall asleep.
You can’t sleep with this bright light on, can you?
People feel lively and awake when they have a light on.
You’ll sleep better if you open the door a little and rely on the light of the moon.
It’s a full moon tonight too. Just looking at the golden moon against the pitch black night sky will make your heart feel strangely calm.
Right, there’s a medicine box on that shelf. There’s some medicine which helps with insomnia in that box.
It’s the medicine wrapped in white paper here. You should take this with water on nights when you can’t sleep. You’ll feel relaxed.
You don’t like bitter medicine? You say such uncooperative things, like a child would.
That’s right. This medicine certainly is bitter. You should use it as a last resort.
At night, you retain things from your memories. Enjoyable memories and beautiful scenery. For some reason, you think of them as painful. Everyone has nights when they can’t sleep alone. But I’m by your side now.
Don’t you feel a little calmer when I hold your hand like this? I think that another person’s warmth is what relaxes people the most. Another person’s hands make you feel relaxed and they really do relieve pain better than any other medicine. Don’t you think that’s strange? It’s even more effective if someone important to you holds your hand.
So even if it’s just for now, please think of me as someone important to you. I’m sure that even my hands could make you feel relaxed if you do.
Please close your eyes. Come on. That’s right. Keep breathing deeply like that, and listen to me breathing. I’ve heard you can feel sleepy by focusing on listening to a particular sound.
Yes, you can fall asleep holding my hand. I’ll let go gently and go back to my own room after you fall asleep.
Good night. I hope you’ll have good dreams.
It looks like you’re finally asleep. You’re breathing normally and peacefully. I’m reluctant to do it, but I’m going to let go of your hand now.
You’re a foolish person though. I can’t believe you willingly let me see you looking so defenceless. You haven’t forgotten, have you?
Although it was a spur of the moment act, I kissed you.
I kissed you so roughly, didn’t I? But why aren’t you cautious around me?
That makes me love you. Let me touch you. Your smooth and beautiful skin. A smile that reflects your heart suits you most of all.
If you’re worried and can’t sleep, I’ll stay by your side every night and talk to you. I really love you when you look upon me gently with your pure heart and believe in me.
I want to kiss you again. Your lips really are soft.
Hey, you’re awake, aren’t you? I know everything about you.
Why didn’t you run away? Instead, your eyelashes gently fluttered as if you were waiting for my kiss.
Open your eyes. How long have you been awake?
Since I let go of your hand? I tried to let go gently, but I disturbed your sleep instead.
Then why did you pretend to be asleep? If you felt you were in danger, you should have run away when I touched your cheek. Am I wrong?
If you don’t run away now, I won’t hesitate to embrace you. You’ve realised that I’m in love with you, haven’t you?
You made a meal for Saitou-san who had been training until late last night, didn’t you? You probably don’t know how I felt when I saw that. I was extremely angry.
Why? I was thinking of you smiling at someone other than me. The moment I saw you last night, I became sure that I wanted to make you mine alone. If you were going to belong to somebody else, then I’d kill you.
Aren’t I good enough for you? Are you going to stay silent forever? I’m sure I told you before. Speak up when you don’t agree with something.
Alright. I’m going to take your silence as agreement then.
Open your mouth.
You’ve taken it, haven’t you?
You want to know what it was? It was an aphrodisiac. You accepted my kiss. So now your lips will always be mine. My lips should be the only ones whose temperature and shape that you know. If you kiss anyone else like this, I won’t hesitate to kill you.
I’m going to teach you how to kiss.
First bring your face close to mine, until our lips are almost touching and whisper “I love you”.
Well? Hurry up and tell me you want to come closer right now. Don’t you feel incredibly impatient? You’re looking at me with such tearful eyes. You’re waiting for my kiss, aren’t you?
See. Please remember my lips. Your pale neck looks so beautiful. Tilt your head. That’s right.
You’re really tense, aren’t you? I know that the area around your neck and ears is your weak spot. How does it feel to have this done to you?
You can’t help feeling good, can you?
How do I know that? I’m confident about my intuition.
Come on, concentrate on my tongue. Feel your body getting warmer. I’m going to lick your neck from bottom to top like this. I’m going to lick all the way from your chin to your ears. Won’t you get excited when I breathe close to your ear? Or do you prefer that I talk like this?
Then I’ll trace my tongue over your ear and put my tongue further inside your ear, little by little. Your ears really are your weak spot.
Your hair has a gentle and lovely scent. I’m enjoying being able to experience this scent up close. I’ve always wanted to do this.
Has the medicine started to work? Your body feels warm.
Please give yourself to me. One more time. Your lips taste so sweet. Come on, open your mouth. I won’t mind even if it’s just a little.
Please accept me.
Don’t run away. I won’t let you escape. You’re mine now. It’s impossible for you to run from me.
My heart feels as if it’s going to explode. Can you understand that my heart is beating faster?
The immoral act of injuring your beautiful skin is nothing more than pleasure. Since the day that I first kissed you, I’ve been thinking of taking you somewhere no one else could see you. I wanted to be the only one you would see. Even now, I’m thinking of such a selfish thing.
Even so, I desire you. I want to make your soul and body mine alone. I want destroy you myself and tie you up. It would be wonderful if I locked you away somewhere, and could show my love to you without anyone else seeing it.
Hey, will you accept me completely? Will you tell me you love me?
I’m happy. I don’t care. It’s your fault. I can’t hold back any longer. Your clothes are in the way.
You’re fine as you are. Let me do everything.
Your skin is always so beautiful.
Your reactions really are innocent. It’s the first time someone has licked you here, isn’t it?
Your skin tastes so sweet. Come on, don’t cover your body with your hands. Let me see your body.
That’s right, you’re a good and honest girl. I’ll show you my love. Please let yourself sense me completely. I’m sure you enjoy it when I run my nails over your body too.
See, your body has a beautiful curve. It seems too good for me to touch. This feels good, doesn’t it? You love the sensation of my warmth touching your skin, don’t you? Please say that you do. I want to hear you say you love me.
I’m happy. Just hearing those words is enough to drive me crazy.
Please give me even more of your love. Come on, don’t be so tense. Let me touch your legs. They’re just like silk, without a single scratch. I can tell by looking at your legs that you were well cared for.
Please touch me too. Like this, with your fingers.
You’re touching me in quite an indecent way.
What do you think of my body? I’m sure this must be your first time touching a man’s body.
My heart feels heavy. I love you.
Everything about you drives me crazy.
You still seem to be nervous. But the medicine should start working completely right about now.
There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s alright. Calm down. Of course I wasn’t thinking of giving you the medicine and treating you roughly. I’m going to love you gently. For that, I needed to make you relax. That’s all.
Come on, let’s continue.
Open your mouth wider.
Are you excited? Your cheeks are red and your body is trembling. I get excited just by looking at you.
You’re trembling, even though all I did was touch your legs gently. I like that reaction. Sense my fingers and be more aware that you’re fascinated by me.
Even your sweat attracts me.
You touch me more too. I don’t mind where you touch me. Caress me wherever you like.
That’s right. It feels good. I can’t hold back any longer. My body is getting warmer too.
Please bite my hand. That’s right, bite me. Just do it.
There’s a deep bite on my skin.
You’re sorry? What are you saying? It’s alright. Please bite me again.
Please make a mark on me. A deep mark that will never fade. I want you to give me pain. Sink your nails into my back.
That’s right. Do it as hard as you can. I want you to make a mark on me.
That’s no good. Make it deeper and more painful. More! More!
That’s good. That’s good. I can’t get enough. Please tear my heart to pieces. Until it kills me. When you put your mark on me, I know for sure that I’m alive. I’m happy. Show me your hands.
Your hands are rough from doing kitchen work. Do you like having your hands licked that much?
It’s no good trembling and trying to escape from pleasure. I won’t allow it.
It smells sweet doesn’t it? Just like a butterfly which seeks a flower’s nectar, I’m fascinated by the scent from your body.
Don’t cover your face. Let me see you as you drown in pleasure. Come on, look at the places on your body that my tongue touches.
It’s unfortunate that it isn’t daytime. If this room was light, I would have been able to clearly see your face turning red.
Lift up your hand. I’m going to lick you here too.
Shh. That’s no good. Don’t raise your voice too much. Someone will hear you. Or do you want someone to see you in this indecent state?
You understand, don’t you? If someone else sees you like this, then I’ll kill you, no questions asked.
What’s the matter? Why did you hold your breath? Were you surprised to have a knife suddenly held against your neck?
Don’t worry. I’ve got no intention of killing you, unless you try to escape from me. You see, isn’t it true that you’re mine now? There’s no way I could let go of you now.
I’ll mark the proof that you belong to me on your neck. A beautiful red flower has bloomed on your neck. You belong to me alone.
Please make sure other people can see your neck when you’re around here. It’s proof that you belong to me. I’ll make another mark when this flower disappears. I’ll leave this beautiful red flower on you again and again.
So when the marks on my back heal, please sink your nails into my back once again. Alright?
That’s enough. I can’t take this any longer. Look this way.
I’ll come to take you again and again. It’s no use being reluctant any longer. Because tonight you’re mine now.
From now on, I think you’ll have to treat the soldiers’ injuries more often, so please remember where the medicines are.
Here are the bandages and this is ointment. This is an antipyretic. I think you’ll use a lot of antipyretics and painkillers, so I’ll put them somewhere easy to find.
I think that’s everything. If there’s something you don’t know, come and ask me when you need to know. You’ll be able to find any medicine that isn’t here in another room. Please come to my room when there’s an emergency. I’ll teach you how to treat injuries sometime soon.
Hmm? What is it?
Ah. This? This is the medicine I gave you the other night. I suppose you could call it a tonic.
Don’t look so surprised. To tell the truth, it doesn’t start working immediately.
Yes. I lied to you that time. I gave it to you, thinking you might just feel different, but it had a suggestive effect. You became bolder, so you could say it was a success.
Alright, alright. I’m sorry I tricked you. Please forgive me somehow.
Right, why don’t we go to that place now?
This is the second time I’ve spoken to you here. Can we talk like this for a little while?
As a soldier of the Shinsengumi, I’ve completed all kinds of duties for the sake of Kondo-san, no matter how difficult they were.
By suppressing true self, I ended up holding a deep darkness in my heart, while I gazed at the changing seasons. Even when the cherry blossoms bloomed and the landscape was coloured pink, or when the maple leaves turned red, all I did was gaze upon that with a cold look in my eyes.
Living for the sake of the Shinsengumi is my destiny and duty. I shouldn’t love someone else… No, I shouldn’t be loved by you. Because there’s no certainty that I can make you happy.
I’m well aware that observing others means my life is at stake and I’m disliked by others. I thought that suppressing my true self and being strong was everything. Even so, I hated keeping my feelings at the bottom of my heart, being indifferent to everything, and pretending to be the type of person who didn’t get deeply involved with anything.
Meeting you, falling in love with you, talking to you like this and you accepting me, was like light shining onto the darkness in my heart. My grey world became colourful at once. I’m glad I met you. I’m proud that you love me. As long as I can be by your side, I want to make you happy.
Please come here. Ah! What’s the matter? I didn’t say you needed to hold onto me that tightly. Goodness. You’re like a child.
I love you. I think I can become stronger and be more like myself if you stay by my side. Please let me be the only one you love. I’ll cut out your eyes if you look at anyone else, alright?
Do you think I’m joking? I’m not. I can’t control my feelings when it comes to you, you see. Even now, I still feel like I want to lock you away somewhere, making me the only one you see. But I don’t know when I might die. I’ve got to make sure you won’t be lonely, even if I suddenly disappear.
Close your eyes.
We don’t have to hold hands when we kiss. Did I teach you to do that? You like holding hands while kissing, don’t you? I like it too. I feel very happy when you sometimes hold onto my hand tightly.
Well then, I’m going to kiss you while caressing your neck with my other hand.
Hmm? Your neck really is your weak spot. When you react so well, it makes me want to tease you. We’ll continue this in your room tonight.
Wait for me and don’t go to sleep.
Alright, I’m going out on my mission now. You make sure to work hard too, got it? See you later.
The weather is quite nice. I don’t remember the sky ever being this blue.
The sky that I happened to look up at that day was surprisingly blue. The clear sky continued endlessly. I wonder if I’ve even seen such a beautiful sky before. Without thinking, I turned to go back to the headquarters, then hurriedly stopped myself.
I wanted to show you that sky. I felt like telling you about that wonderful sky. I laughed at myself, reminding myself that I was on a mission.
I wonder when I began to be like this. I know when it happened. It was when I met you. I was prepared to give my life to the Shinsengumi, but you gave me another hope. You probably can’t imagine how happy that made me.
When you smiled at me, I felt sorry for hating myself for the first time. I met you, and got to know how happy it would make me to have my feelings accepted.
By loving you, I was able to be myself for the first time. I became able to think that if I had lost something in the past, then all I would have to do was take my time getting it back.
From now on, I’ll probably continue to suppress myself. Because that is the duty given to me. But please let me be myself around you. If you smile, then I’m sure I can keep on living.
I want to watch all the butterflies fly towards the blue sky, together with you, on that mountain. I might be moved to tears by the beauty of that scene if we do. The cries of cicadas which signal summer, the nameless flower which blooms in a field, a flock of dragonflies turning red and the landscape which becomes bathed by a silvery colour before long.
I want to experience all those things with you. Holding hands and laughing together. I promise I’ll protect your smile until I’m gone. So please hold onto my smile too. I’ll love you forever.