Shinsengumi Kekkonroku Wasurenagusa 5 – Toudou Heisuke
CV – Shimono Hiro
Shh! It’s me.
It’s been a long time. Has your hair gotten a little longer?
Sano-san must be kinder than I thought if he showed you the way to this forest.
You don’t need to hold me that tightly. You’re making me happy enough to cry.
I missed you.
I’ve been thinking about you the whole time we were apart. I dream about you every night. When I’m awake I think about how you are doing and if you are well. I thought things would be fine as long as our hearts were with each other, but when I looked up at the moon, I couldn’t help wanting to touch you.
I wanted to kiss you and stroke your hair like this. That’s all I could think about. I’m happy to see you.
Hmm? This obidome… Is it the one I bought for you?
I can see that you treasure it. It really does suit you.
Will you still remember me, even when I’m gone, if you have that?
What am I trying to say? I meant it exactly as I said it. I’ll have to fight against the Shinsengumi in the near future. This is war. I’m sure that the troop itself will be in chaos too. But you’ll be fine if you stay put. Don’t leave the headquarters, no matter what happens.
It’s alright. I’m not going to die. There’s no way I could leave you behind in this world.
It’s alright. Everything will be alright. But I won’t be able to see you again for a while if I fight against the Shinsengumi. So I told Sano-san to get you to come here.
I’m surprised he arranged this, even though he’d be in danger for associating with me. Thank him later.
You and I would both be in danger. No one must know that we saw each other.
I can’t bear hiding among the trees any longer.
You must have been scared coming here alone, right? I’m sorry.
When I look you in the eye, I can’t believe that we’re going to be apart again. I really wish that I could hold you every day though. I’ve kept on thinking about having you stay beside me… Of course, that can’t happen just yet.
So etch this night on your memories to make sure you don’t forget it. I’ll let you know how much you mean to me.
Shh! Don’t talk too loud.
I’m finally able to touch you. Did you want to do this too?
This is your scent – a gentle scent which calms me.
But strangely enough, it doesn’t feel nostalgic. Perhaps it’s because I’ve thought about you everyday.
Whenever I saw someone who looked like you in town, I wanted to run towards them.
No matter where I looked, I couldn’t find the real you. I wanted to see you so much. When I was missing you, I held out my hands to the image of you that existed in my memories.
Do you understand? When I closed my eyes and listened carefully, I could relive the days I spent with you.
When I heard the sound of the wind, I could see you smiling at me. When I heard the cries of the insects, I remembered the first night I spent with you.
I always think of you.
It’s strange, isn’t it? I’m sure we haven’t spent that long together, but at some point, I began to think of nothing but you.
Hey. I’m sorry. I might disappear from your sight soon.
You dummy! I only said that I might. But I’m sure I’ve told you this before. Even if my body is gone, I promise to protect you from now on.
We can see each other when we close our eyes. Just like you have done for me, I want to etch my existence onto your heart. I want you to feel me, so that you won’t be lonely when we’re apart…
When I hold you, I think about what it would be like to touch you more deeply… How good it would be if I could kiss your heart directly.
The heart which keeps you living is incredibly precious to me.
Your eyes which see me… Your lips which call my name… It hurts to think of all the separate pieces which make you.
I wonder why I’m so in love with you. Even I think that my feelings for you are a little strange. This is the first time I’ve loved and been loved so much. I’m glad we felt the same way. Otherwise I’m sure I would have gone insane.
Open your mouth.
Concentrate on me.
You remember it, don’t you? The thing I have a habit of doing when I tell you I love you. I’ll make sure you know it’s me, even if your eyes are closed.
You like being touched here, don’t you? Your skin feels like silk as it always does. How does it feel when I kiss you while I do this?
It sounds like you are unable to bear it. You look cute. I want to look at you forever.
I’m sorry. I don’t think I can stop myself.
I haven’t seen that dazed look on your face for a while. When I see your face like that it seems as if my heart is being crushed. It feels as if my heart, and not just my body, is being tied up by an invisible thread. But I can’t help how comfortable it feels.
Hey. Put your arm around my neck like you did before. Bind me even tighter with your hands.
I finally became happy after meeting you. You’re the most important of all the things in this world. My legs feel so heavy and are trembling so much that they might break. But I’m happy enough to put up with that. You feel the same don’t you? You taught me everything about this world. Now that is clear to me.
You’re sweating aren’t you? Your body feels warm.
So does mine. It’s so warm that it’s unbearable. My body desires you.
Hmm? What is it? This feels even better than before? You’re breathing harder. I really like hearing you breathe as if you’re drowning. I feel as if I’m everything to you.
Shh! Keep your voice down. I don’t want anyone else to hear your beautiful voice. That sweet voice is mine alone. Your chest, back, fingers, heart all belong to me.
I feel so warm. My fringe is in the way too.
Hmm? What’s the matter? Why are you staring at my face?
The wound on my forehead? Ah, I don’t usually put up my fringe like this. I suppose there weren’t many opportunities to see my wound.
Go on, try and touch it.
It’s healed well, hasn’t it? After I got hurt, my wound ached enough everyday to give me a headache. But strangely enough, the pain calmed down when I was talking to you.
It’s strange, right? Perhaps I was in love with you from the first time we met.
I’m sure that I thought our time together was precious enough to forget the pain. This wound doesn’t hurt anymore. If you touch it, it doesn’t feel any different from normal skin. Even though I was hurt so badly, my body is keeping me alive. It’s telling me to keep on living.
Hey, even though I was hurt badly enough to leave a scar, I didn’t die. So no matter what happens, everything will be fine.
I couldn’t disappear leaving someone precious to me behind.
Turn around. Put down your hands on the ground.
There’s no need to be embarrassed. Only the moon is watching, so show me everything.
Hmm? A bell? It’s a nice sound.
To tell the truth, there were times when I worried that you’d forgotten me. But you tried to stay with me. I’m happy. Thank you.
The bell is ringing. You’re trembling. The sound of the bell resounds through the night. You might be discovered by someone if it rings any louder than that.
I don’t want anyone else to see you. You wouldn’t like anyone else to see me either, would you? Keep this to yourself. Fill yourself completely with me.
Remember me even more.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you more than anyone else. I’ll say it as many times as you want. Enough to make your hear it in your ears during the night.
You liked me doing this to you, didn’t you?
You’re all wet here. That’s proof that you’re fascinated by me.
I love you more than anyone else in this world. Look this way.
Oh? There’s drool on the corner of your lips. You look really sexy.
It doesn’t matter, does it? I’m the only one who can do this.
Hmm? What’s the matter? I haven’t had enough yet. Hey, accept me even more.
That’s right. Hold onto me tightly.
You’re the most beautiful person in this world. I won’t let anyone else have you.
You kiss me too.
I love you. I love you! I belong to you, no matter where I am. Let’s stay together forever from now on.
Hmm? Your fringe is soaked with sweat. Your body will get cold if you stay outside any longer. Go back to the headquarters soon.
I’m glad I saw you today. Thanks for coming out here. It might be a while before we see each other again, but you’ll be able to wait, won’t you?
Don’t look so worried. It’s alright. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.
I don’t think we’ll lose the next battle. I’ll become as strong as it takes if it means I’ll see you again. You’re supporting me and I’m going to aim even higher for your sake! So you wait a little longer too.
I’m going now. See you later.
One evening, before half a month had even passed, Itou-san was eliminated by the Shinsengumi and became a pitiful corpse. It seems that Itou-san was summoned by Kondo-san and ended up getting drunk during their conversation.
While returning to Gesshinin, he was shot with an arrow, which went through his shoulder and pierced his throat. The Shinsengumi probably knew everything about our plan to assassinate Kondo-san and made their move first. It was incredibly sudden when I heard that Itou-san’s body was being displayed at the gate of Honkoji in Aburanokoji .
Everyone there understood the situation immediately. The spreading silence felt as if it lasted an eternity. It was clear that the Shinsengumi intended to trap us and that going to Honkoji would result in a battle being fought.
At that moment, there were only seven of us, including myself, at Gesshinin. It was unthinkable for this number of people to win. But we didn’t want to leave Itou-san there until morning. It was around midnight when we pulled ourselves together and left Gesshinin. As soon as we arrived at Honkoji, we put Itou-san in a palanquin.
Alright, let’s get him to Gesshinin before morning! Let’s go!
Although I knew this would happen, my heart still beat faster when the soldiers appeared before us with swords in their hands. My breath was hurried for a moment. It was as if my mind was denying what I had feared more than anything.
My trembling hands meant I couldn’t move my body the way I wanted. But I still killed men who were once my allies with my own hands.
Drops of sweat, that were not just a result of the heat, rolled down my forehead onto my cheeks.
I couldn’t even blink.
It felt as if I could hear my heart beating right next to my ears.
I couldn’t tell where I had been cut or how deep my wound was. But I could see the night sky right before me. Because I could not focus, many more stars than usual shone brightly from far away. And a pleasant bun shaped moon, like the moon I saw with you, rose up.
It’s beautiful… I want to show you this starry sky too.
I felt as if my consciousness was somewhere far away.
I absentmindedly wondered if this was death. I wonder how long I stared at the sky. At some point, the voices and clashing swords I heard from afar faded away.
I wonder which of us won the battle. I couldn’t even tell that then.
You… What are you doing here? I told you to stay at the headquarters because it’s dangerous.
Shin-san told you I was here? I see… He’s always too kind.
You dummy. What are you crying for? Don’t look so sad. No one’s going to leave you.
Your hand feels warm. But don’t touch me too much. My blood will get onto your hands. Something dirty like this doesn’t suit you.
But you’re still holding onto my hand. I’m glad you haven’t changed.
Hey. Do you still love me the way I am now? Will you still love me even though I’m stained with blood?
I see. I’m glad. Please kiss me.
Thank you. I feel a lot calmer now that I’ve seen you.
I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt anywhere.
I’m sleepy. Can I rest for a while?
Don’t worry. I really am just going to sleep. Let’s go to Edo together again when I wake up. I’ve remembered somewhere I want to take you. It’s a place in a forest where I often used to play alone when I was young, a place where the wind feels good.
There we’ll just sit, watching and waiting for the sun to set. The sunset you can see there is the most beautiful. I really want to show it to you. It’s a promise.
The last thing I remember was the feeling of being surrounded by warmth. Your voice calling my name again and again. I wonder when my heart last felt so calm. It felt like I was sinking into a deep ocean.
I dreamt that I was laughing together with you. It was just an ordinary day in our lives. Even so, we were laughing happily. I wonder when it became natural for me to accept the word “happiness”.
I wonder when I began to feel as if I wasn’t lonely anymore. I wonder when I began to consider visiting an unknown place. I wonder when I began to buy things that a woman would like when I went into town.
Hey. Do you understand how much you’ve done that led to my salvation? How much I relied on your smile…
The night sky is beautiful tonight. A completely clear black sky able to accept everything.
I can hear the rustling of the trees, the sound of people’s feet against the ground and your trembling voice. Your tears don’t belong to a night with such a bright moon. So don’t cry anymore.
No matter how much longer we might have been apart, you didn’t think my heart had become distant from yours, did you? It’s not just time, distance is the same too. Even if you are here and I am as far away as a star in the sky, we’ll be thinking of each other. So don’t cry.
Even if I don’t open my eyes again, don’t cry. I love you.
I love you more than anyone else in this world. This feeling will never change, so just stay as you are and keep smiling.
 Aburanokoji – The incident where Itou Kashitaro was killed is named after this street where it occurred. The real life Heisuke was also killed during this incident.
Hmm… Guess who!
Yes, you got it.
That’s your reward for knowing it was me.
What? You’re not satisfied with that? Then I’ll give you another.
The weather is great today! But I can’t get used to only having to do laundry for two.
In the Shinsengumi and Goryou Eji, doing laundry meant everyone’s laundry. When I see this, I realise there are only two of us here. I’m kind of happy.
Hey. There’s only the two of us here, so we could do it outside sometimes.
The wound on my forehead has just started to heal! What if you made it open up again?! Jeez, you’re such a violent woman!
Yeah, yeah. Sorry I tried to do something weird.
Anyway, how about we go out now?
I told you there’s somewhere I went to often when I was younger, right? I want to take you there. You’re not used to this part of Edo either, so I’ll show you round some other places too.
When you’re done cleaning? When will that be? It’s not that important. You don’t have to clean every last place!
So, as the master of this house, I’m saying there won’t be any cleaning done today. You don’t mind that, do you?
This place isn’t as big as the Shinsengumi headquarters, but it’s still too big for us two. We don’t use that many of the rooms, so it should be enough just to dust it once in a while.
Why have we got such a big house?
Hey, that’s obvious, isn’t it? It’s for our children who we will see one day!
How many children do you want? I think I’d like two. A boy and a girl would be nice. I’m looking forward to it. I want all four of us to play tag as a family! I want to go fishing with my son too.
What do girls like to play? I suppose they must like ball games or playing house. I’m sure I would spoil my daughter completely if I had one.
Ah! But I might not be able to bear it if my daughter found a boyfriend!
Hey, why are you laughing? I’m being serious!
Anyway, we need enough money to start a family first. We’ve got to work hard.
Come on, let’s hold hands. The ground isn’t level here, so make sure you don’t fall.
Hmm? You’re still using that obidome? It does look good on you, but there’s no need to use it everyday.
It’s a protective charm? Well, I certainly was awoken by the sound of its bell that night.
There was no way I would’ve died and left you behind when the gift I gave you was so precious to you.
The treatment Yamazaki gave me after that hurt like hell though.
Come on, let’s go!
Oh, right. There might be lots of forget-me-nots blooming around this time. Let’s take a look at them together. They’re cute and small, just like you are. They’re like you, the person I love most in this world.