Shinsengumi Hiyokuroku Wasurenagusa 5 – Okita Souji
CV – Suzuki Tatsuhisa
Hmm? Ah, you’ve brought some medicine for me.
I just felt a slight tickle in my throat. Give it to me. I’ll take it.
I’ve taken it all. I can never get used to how it tastes.
It really is awful.
You don’t have to worry about how I’m doing. I’m just a little unwell today.
I’ll feel completely better in a few days.
Rice cakes? No, I don’t want any. I’m not that hungry right now.
Come to think of it, we were pounding rice cakes together this time last year.
What about this year? Did you have enough rice cakes?
Hmm… So even you’ve got the ability to mature. I had no idea.
Well, that’s true. Regardless of the pace, you’re bound to mature as time passes by.
I’ve probably matured in some way too. I don’t feel that way at all though.
You’re useless at cheering me up. Do you really think I’ve matured in some way over the past year? Even though I’ve been lying in bed most of the time.
You probably don’t understand how I feel when I’m lying in bed and I hear the voices of the men training, carried by the wind. You’ve probably never imagined how I felt when I asked Hijikata-san to take care of the first troop while I’m resting.
Why am I stuck lying in my bed while everyone else is moving forward?
How on earth do you think I could have improved while I was here?
Hey. Answer me if you know. You have an answer that’ll satisfy me, don’t you?
My body… It’s just going to get weaker and weaker, isn’t it? I might not even be able to hold a sword anymore. If that happens to me, then I won’t have anything left. I wouldn’t be able to live.
Shut up! Are you trying to say you understand me?! You’re talking as if you understand, when you don’t know a thing!
That’s wrong. That’s wrong. It’s no use saying this to you.
I know! But I can’t stop. I can’t help being angry when you worry about me. Why am I always like this?
What difference does it make if you stay by my side?
Yes, you’re no good. Because I can’t make you happy. It’s no good for a man like that to be by your side, is it? I’m not good enough for you.
No matter how you feel, if I think I’m not good enough, then it’s all the same! You’re always going to be someone who’s convenient for me to take my anger out on.
I’m not going to change my attitude. If you’re expecting that, then it’s pointless and you should just give up!
Of course! What good is it going to do if I have you?! I won’t live long enough to support you in the future!
Go away! I don’t want to see you!
Please leave me alone.
What is it? You’re so noisy.
Could you stop running around so noisily?
Don’t run about so thoughtlessly just because it’s spring.
Huh? Why do I have to go into the garden this late at night? I don’t want to!
Hey! I told you I don’t want to go! What’s going on?!
What are we doing here…?
Amazing… They’re in full bloom.
Yes… I didn’t get to see them last year, but they’re blooming so beautifully this year. I didn’t know because I was lying in bed the whole time.
They really do look beautiful with the moon shining on them.
Ah… The wind is strong tonight. At this rate, this evening will be the last time we see the blossoms.
Cherry blossoms stay beautiful until the time they fall. I suppose it’ll soon be my turn to fall too. Even if my life is shorter than that of others, if I fall beautifully, then that might be a good thing. Everyone falls like this eventually.
There’s nothing wrong with getting emotional, is there?
I’m amidst such beautiful falling cherry blossoms. You don’t mind being reminded of how fleeting life is, do you?
Then why on earth did you want to show me the cherry blossoms at night? Did you think I’d cheer up if you showed me some flowers?
Looking at these flowers which are just going to wither? Don’t make a fool of me.
Ah. I’m taking my anger out on her again. That was the thought at the corner of my mind.
I’m the one making you cry amidst the beautiful falling cherry blossoms. As long as I’m by your side, I’m going to ruin everything like this and leave a deep wound on your heart. Suddenly wanting to escape, I retreated slowly. Then you took one step closer to me and opened your trembling lips to say “Even when flowers wither, they still bloom again. You’re the same.”
Yes… You said that that in a determined way and took another step closer. “Even if it withers once, all you have to do is make another beautiful and strong flower bloom again. So don’t force yourself to make it bloom again. Why don’t you concentrate on getting better so that you can bloom beautifully next time?”
What are you talking about? Do you believe I’m going to recover if I don’t push myself and concentrate on getting better instead?
You’re not giving up at all.
Perhaps I’ve always wanted someone to tell me that.
Here you go. Take it. That medicine really does taste awful. Even carrying it bothers me.
Why do you look so happy about carrying my things? Do you like carrying someone else’s things that much?
Well… I just thought you, Kondo-san and the others wouldn’t bother me if we went together. I’m not going out to make you happy.
Ah. I see… It’s already summer.
I wonder how long it’s been since you came to the Shinsengumi.
Is that so? Now that I think about it, I must have treated you quite harshly.
Do you still want to keep being my assistant?
You never hesitate, do you? Why are you so concerned about me?
Ah, no… I’m not complaining. I can’t help finding your lack of hesitation bothersome, but sometimes I really envy you. Isn’t that strange?
But in your case, a lack of hesitation doesn’t mean you’re strong-willed, you’re probably just too simple. I still have times when I envy you though.
No, there’s nothing wrong. I’ve just got more things to think about now, that’s all.
Seasons pass by in an instant, don’t they? Can I really become a cherry blossom?
I think that once a flower withers, it really is the end. Even if a flower can return during another season, doesn’t the person looking at them lose interest when the flowers wither? Then they won’t be remembered anymore…
But if cherry blossoms are beautiful enough to make an impression on someone, then many people might be waiting for the seasons to pass by and the flower to bloom.
I wonder if someone has that kind of expectation of me? Is there someone who will still find me necessary, even if I wither once?
Ah… Why are you holding my hand? I’m talking, so why are you…
That’s right. No matter how many ugly things I’ve said to you, you’ve tried to stay by my side.
Even if I withered away without a trace, you’d continue to watch over me until I bloomed again. You’re amazing, aren’t you?
Ah, so you’re finally here? I feel as if you’ve kept me waiting quite a while. Have you finished all your work?
I see. Well, I’ll compliment you for running so you wouldn’t keep me waiting. Could you sit over there?
I need to talk to Kondo-san before I talk to you. Can you stay here until I get back?
I might have a terrible look on my face when I get back though. Please do something to comfort me if that happens. See you later then.
How strange. It seems that I’m feeling calmer than I expected to.
Just now, I told Kondo-san that I would be taking a break.
I’d like to ask why that was so surprising, but I’m surprised too, even though I said it myself.
Kondo-san and Hijikata-san have been telling me to concentrate on getting better for a while now.
But I kept on saying that I didn’t want to. I’m sure I would have kept on saying that if I hadn’t heard those words.
I’m talking about your words. When you said that I would get better if I recuperated, that became my reason for considering doing it. I could never find the resolve to do it though.
I’m going to take my rest all in one go. I’m going to think of it as a way to be useful to Kondo-san and the others for even longer, and until I get better, I’m going to focus on my treatment a little.
I’ve heard there are several good hot springs, so I’m thinking of going round them all. Fortunately, Kondo-san said that he would be waiting for my return. So I think I’ll be able to leave the headquarters without any worries on my mind.
Although it will only be for a short time, I’ll be leaving the Shinsengumi. You’d normally be sweeping my room clean everyday as a maid until my return.
But I want you to come with me. I’ve always thought that your happiness would be together with a man who would live longer than me. But what’s left for me, who has left the Shinsengumi, isn’t Kondo-san or the sword at my waist, it’s my beliefs and your existence, as the person who stayed by my side, no matter what happened.
I want to be with you from now on. Even if your happiness would be with another man, that doesn’t matter to me. I want to be with you now. I want you to stay by my side, after I leave the headquarters and even after I’ve returned too.
I’m sure that in the end, my illness will cause my death, or even if I recover, an injury I receive on a battlefield somewhere will be what kills me.
So I can’t promise to live a long life. I can’t give you the kind of happiness where I’ll be beside you even when you grow old and where we’ll stay together forever.
But even though I know I’ll leave you alone someday, I intend to try and make you happy until then. I want to be the one who makes you happy. I want to see you smile at me more often.
I’ll hold you when I go to sleep at night and see you sleeping in my arms in the morning. I want to live a life where I’ll keep doing those things. Until my very last day. So stay by my side from now on.
Well, I knew you wouldn’t say no. I was still nervous though.
Being this kind to you annoys me. But… Thank you very much.
I’m feeling happy.
This is a nice bath.
Come on, hurry up and…
Hey. Why haven’t you even undone your sash?
You’re going to get in the bath, so it’s no good keeping your clothes on, is it?
Hurry up and take them off. I don’t mind helping you if you can’t do it alone.
Do it quickly then.
No. I can look wherever I want. If you don’t want to be seen, then why don’t you cover yourself up?
Well, no matter how hard you try to cover yourself up, I’ll see everything once you get into the bath anyway.
Come on, you won’t be able to keep covered up until the end, so why don’t you just get in confidently instead of doing something pointless like hiding yourself away?
The water is nice, isn’t it? I was told that it has various effects as a medicinal bath. Let’s stay in as long as we can.
Hey. I know it’s still light, but we’re alone together, so it doesn’t really matter, does it? I’ve seen you naked plenty of times. Look this way.
Hmm… Ah, I think I might start coughing if you don’t look this way. Oh dear. If I collapse because of this, then it’ll be your fault. You don’t mind if I collapse?
You finally looked this way. But what are you doing with your hands? Don’t keep holding them there.
Why do you think I came all the way to this hot spring in the mountains? Even you know that there are plenty more places to find a medicinal spring, don’t you?
Yes, that’s right. I wanted to have a peaceful bath with you. Everywhere else we went had too many people.
You should be careful that you don’t start feeling dizzy.
Are you worried that someone else might come in here? It’s alright. I can see a long way from here.
I’ll tell you right away if there’s someone coming. I don’t want anyone else to see your body either.
You don’t have to try and keep your voice down. I’m the only one who’s going to hear it.
I want to see you feeling embarrassed as you begin to lose yourself. Show me that you’re distracted by your desire for me.
Can you sit here?
You shouldn’t try so hard to hold yourself back. I want to hear your voice escaping from your lips.
Do you have any regrets about following me here? Well?
Are you happy, even though you’re doing something like this during the day?
Hmm… How boring. Your answer was just as I expected. I already know that you’re happy.
Look this way.
Me? Well… I’m not that happy. So do something to make me happier. I want you. Understand?
That’s right. More…
Sit on my lap.
That’s right. Sit down.
I don’t need much strength to embrace you when I’m in the water. In other words, it’s easy for you to move around too. So do whatever you like.
You’re still embarrassed? I suppose it’s too early for you to lose control of yourself.
You like being kissed, don’t you?
What do you want me to do?
Alright. I’ll hold onto you.
Relax. Leave everything to me.
Are you alright? I think I can hold on a little longer.
No. Don’t look down. Look this way.
It’s hot. I think I’m going to get dizzy. But I can’t stop. I’m impressed that you’ve captivated me this much.
Hmm? Your heart is beating faster. Are you nervous? Or…
Is that so? You should have said so sooner.
I’m sorry if you’re feeling painful. Please bear with it.
Come on. Hold onto me. Let me stay like this a little longer. I feel calm when I’m holding you. I suppose it’s like I’m being healed. I even feel as if I’m getting better when you’re beside me. I might actually get better.
No, I was just thinking that you’re the type of person to give me quite cruel expectations.
Well… I think I might actually start feeling dizzy soon. Shall we get out for now?
I think I’ll spend my time recovering at this spring for a while. We’ll stay here until the beginning of the new year. You’ll be with me as long as no one else is around, won’t you?
It’s so cold that if you don’t get in the bath often, you’ll catch a cold.
Oh no. Of course we’re going to keep doing this kind of thing at those times.
It’s become quite warm recently. I suppose the cherry blossom buds will start growing bigger. It’d be nice if there were some cherry blossoms near the next hot spring. I want to see the cherry blossoms at night with you again.
Hmm? What is it?
Ah, a pinwheel. It’s unusual to see one in front of a house at this time, rather than summer or autumn. Perhaps it’s been left out all this time?
Why’d you start searching through your things all of a sudden?
Ah… That’s… Is it the pinwheel I gave you before?
You’ve still got it with you? Isn’t it worn out now? Why don’t you throw it away already?
You want another one? Well, I suppose I can do that…
Why’d you talk so loudly all of a sudden?
Ah… You want both of us to fold some pinwheels and carry them with us? I don’t really mind.
Hmm… Can I ask you something? You’ll think of it as a gift, won’t you?
Oh… Is that so?
It’s nothing. I was just thinking of giving you something different next time. If you’re fine with having that kind of thing, then I won’t bother.
Right… There were two options. I couldn’t decide on one, so I thought I’d get you to choose. Although it’s a little late, the first one is a comb. The second is the words “I love you”.
I wanted to ask which one you liked best. But you’re fine with a pinwheel made from paper. It’s too bad, I went to the trouble of thinking what to give you. It’s best to give the person who is receiving a gift what they’d like most of all. I won’t bother with those two options I’ve given you.
Hey! What’s the matter now? You must be pretty clever if you can smile while crying! Just for your information… Your face looks terrible right now. I’ll be embarrassed if you don’t put on a more acceptable face.
What? Everything? Why are you being so greedy?
You’re too bold! I’m only going to give you one of those things.
You must be joking if you think you can have all three at once! When I’ve given you one, I’ll be keeping the other two for another time.
Why are you smiling so much? It’s disgusting.
I’m surprised you can keep smiling after all I’ve said to you. It’s only natural that someone foolish is completely different.
I like it when you smile that way though. Being able to smile beside me, no matter what I say, is one of your few strong points.
Shall I give you two gifts instead to thank you for always smiling?
It’s a special occasion. You should be really grateful.
I’m going to choose what one of those gifts is though.
Come on. Come closer.
I love you.
You’re smiling while crying again? It’s interesting how your expression keeps changing.
Alright, take your time choosing your other gift. Choose something you like, whether it’s the comb or the pinwheel. I’ll make sure to give it to you.
So… Stay by my side from now on.