Shinsengumi Mokuhiroku Wasurenagusa 2 – Okita Souji
CV – Suzuki Tatsuhisa
It was the first year of the Genji era  and we Shinsengumi were in the midst of the era’s chaos. The peaceful days brought about by the Tokugawa shogunate  were so important. Like winged insects swarming around torchlight, many of those warriors who called themselves the Sonno faction  assembled in the city of Kyoto. They were lowly men who thought they would be forgiven for breaking into shops and violence against women in the city if they revered the emperor. The Shinsengumi exist to protect the public order in Kyoto from those men. Though I personally wouldn’t call those men warriors.
I exist for the sake of Hijikata-san and Kondo-san. The place where those two are is the place where I am meant to be. So I have been through many battles for the sake of Kondo-san and Hijikata-san, as well as for the sake of the Shinsengumi, as the leader of the first unit. And that day, the fifth of June, the Ikedaya incident  took place.
As a member of Kondo’s group, I discovered those despicable men from the Sonno faction at the Ikedaya. I rushed in immediately and it was a free for all fight. The moon looked beautiful that night. But it was dark inside the Ikedaya. The moonlight which broke through the shattered door shone brightly in my eyes.
Did I get him?
Hey! You, over there! I’m your opponent!
This is no good…I lost sight of Kondo-san!
I’ve got to go and assist him right away!
Where are you, Kondo-san?
What? Why does this have to happen now?
Ah…it can’t be…I’m going to die? Here?
 Genji era – An era which began on February 1st, 1864.
 Tokugawa shogunate – A feudal regime which lasted from 1600 until 1868.
 Sonno faction – A group who supported restoring power to the emperor and expelling foreigners from Japan.
 Ikedaya incident – A raid launched by the Shinsengumi against rebels who opposed the Shinsengumi.
Where am I? In my room?
Where’s Kondo-san? Hijikata-san? Did they make it?
What about the Ikedaya? Are Kondo-san and the others alright?
What is it? Let go of me! I’ve got to check whether Kondo-san and the others are alright right now!
You’re telling me to rest? You’re so annoying!
Kondo-san and Hijikata-san are both safe?
I see…That’s good…
Who are you anyway? What are you doing in my room?
Actually…I’m not interested in you at all.
I’ve got to see Kondo-san now…
Eh? You want me to listen to you? Why?
I’ve got no interest in you.
Never mind that… Call Hijikata-san or Kondo-san for me.
You can’t do it?
Because they’ve been out for a while and are busy? What do you mean?
A clean-up operation in the city? Ah…so that’s why they’re out. There are still things relating to the Ikedaya incident that have to be dealt with.
I see. Then my priority is to recover as soon as possible and become able to help Kondo-san and Hijikata-san again.
Hmm? You want to talk about yourself?
You don’t have to talk about that. I can pretty much imagine what you’re going to say.
You were probably involved in some kind of incident weren’t you? Your relatives died and you had nowhere to go. So you came crying to Kondo-san and got allowed to stay at our headquarters temporarily. I’m right, aren’t I?
He’s a kind man. If someone said that to him, he wouldn’t be able to leave them alone.
So are you going to become Kondo-san’s mistress now? You should forget about that. I’m sure he’s not into scrawny girls like you.
Eh? You’re not? You’re working as a servant for the Shinsengumi?
A servant? Hmm…why?
Hmm…So your parents were killed by some rebel samurai without a master who got out during the raid on the Ikedaya. I thought it’d be something like that. So…
Ah…Your parents owned a small restaurant so you’re good at cooking too. I see. What happened to your parents is unfortunate, but I think it’s impossible for you to find sympathy from the Shinsengumi. All the men here are cold-blooded, you see. Well, go on and do your best too.
I think I’ll go back to sleep. My anaemia should get better if I rest for a day.
What? A doctor? There’s no need to call one. Would you call a doctor just because you collapsed from anaemia?
Blood? What are you talking about?
Ah. Haha…Kondo-san panicked and misunderstood. This is blood from one of the men I fought. I cut him so forcefully, the blood got onto my mouth too. He probably mistook it for blood that I coughed up. Kondo-san has a clumsy side too.
My cough? It should get better if I get some rest. It’s just a cold. What have you been trying to say all this time anyway? I’m surprised you can ask me so many questions when this is only the first time we’ve met. Could you go away now? I get distracted and can’t sleep when other people are around me. I might kill you when I’m half-asleep.
Goodnight. Please call me right away if Kondo-san or Hijikata-san come back.
I’m alive…I’m glad…
I can still fight for Kondo-san and Hijikata-san…
Coughing up blood is nothing for them to panic about.
I can still fight.
What? It’s you again? Why are you here? I don’t want to get checked out by a doctor. You see…don’t you think I’m a lot better now? I was able to train the soldiers yesterday too. I just feel a little unwell today because of the rain. I’ll be able to go out on patrol tomorrow though.
But Kondo-san and Hijikata-san keep bothering me to see a doctor, just like you do. Even though I’ve told them I’m fine several times. How annoying.
Well…if you’re not going to tell me why you’re here then I want you to leave soon.
What? You’re supposed to watch over me and take care of me?
Haha. What kind of joke is that? There’s no way Kondo-san and the others would ask you to do that.
It’s not a joke? It’s true? It can’t be…
I need someone to watch me? Someone to help me? I don’t understand at all. What’s the meaning of this? Why are you going to watch me?
Eh? I still seem to be unwell, so you’re going to watch me and make sure I don’t overexert myself?
What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t need that. I won’t overexert myself. I’ve had enough of you always asking about my health. I’m not going to let you help me.
I’ve got this cough because of the weather. I took part in the training yesterday, didn’t I? But Kondo-san and Hijikata-san are treating me like I’m weak…
Eh? They’re worried about me? That’s why they asked you to help me? I don’t need people worrying about me! I want them to rely on me! I want to be necessary to them! But…!
Could you go away? I’m not feeling well. I don’t want to see your face either. I’m going to feel even angrier if I do.
Why…did they get someone to take care of me? I feel fine…
Ah. The birds flew away because you came over here. I fed them everyday and made them get used to me. If they get scared and don’t come tomorrow, it’ll be your fault. It’s no good apologising. If you feel guilty, then why don’t you go away? I get annoyed when I think about you being with me even when I’m off duty. I’m in a bad mood everyday because you’re with me all the time.
Did you know? Being in a bad mood makes a person unkind. So if you stay away from me I won’t be so unkind. There’ll be no need for you to worry about me unnecessarily too. I think we’ll both be happy.
Hmm? I see. Despite all I’ve said, you’re not moving. I wonder what makes you do that.
Hey. Don’t you understand? I’m saying that I don’t like you being around me. As you can see, I’m feeling a lot better. My cough has gone away too. Now there’s no need for you to stay with me.
If you understand, then go away. You could even leave the headquarters. You seem to be good at cooking, so you could work anywhere. I’m sure there are better places than this place full of men. I’ll pretend I didn’t see you leaving. Even if Kondo-san and Hijikata-san get angry, I’ll resolve things and make sure they don’t come after you. They’re not bad conditions, are they?
Tch. Why aren’t you moving? Don’t you understand something unless someone says it clearly? I’m telling you that it’s troublesome for you to be here.
It’s no good. I’m angry again. I’ll end up wanting to kill you if you’re too annoying. Hey, how about you let me try and cut you? You won’t come near me anymore if you experience something painful, right? I wonder where would be a good place? I’m sure you’ll become obedient if I cut off one of your fingers. Now that’s decided, put out one of your hands. I don’t mind which one.
I think things that are bad for my state of mind should be dealt with quickly. The same goes for people. If you displease me, I’ll deal with you right away. That’s the best thing to do.
Hmm? Why do you have that expression on your face?
You think I’m joking? Of course I’m not. I’m always serious. If you disappear, then I can come up with plenty of suitable lies.
Hmm…right…You might not actually be an unfortunate girl who happened to get involved in an incident. What if you were a spy for the Choshu ? The parents who you claimed were killed in the Ikedaya incident were complete strangers. From the beginning, this was all part of a plan to infiltrate the Shinsengumi and give away information.
But then Kondo-san and I would look like fools for believing you. I’ll forget about that plan.
Hey. You think about it too. How can I kill you without Hijikata-san getting angry at me?
Hmm? You can’t think of anything? Why not? Is your mind just for show?
Oh, I see. If that’s the case, then I can see why you couldn’t think of anything. So that’s why you didn’t understand when I told you to go away several times. I see.
Hmm? I’m wrong? I don’t think so. You don’t realise that I’m annoyed, so you follow me around everyday with a straight face. If I’m wrong, then just how inconsiderate of other people’s feelings are you? The only thing I can do is be shocked. Your mind is completely empty, so you’re able to live everyday in a carefree way. Isn’t that right?
Are you going to cry? Do you think crying will do anything? Unfortunately tears won’t work on me. Well, isn’t it fine for you to stay here and cry? I’ll be leaving here soon. I don’t want to keep looking at your crying face when I’m off duty.
Right. You stay here until the birds come back. And then apologise to them for scaring them earlier. If they don’t come back tomorrow, then you weren’t sincere enough. I’ll leave it to you then. Ah, I hope you’ll give up soon though.
998, 999, 1000!
Why am I out of breath this quickly?
What? Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here? You should be asleep by now. Let me just warn you that I’m in a very bad mood today. My mood is even worse now that I’ve seen you.
This really is annoying. So what do you want?
You came to stop me so I don’t overexert myself? What are you talking about? I didn’t ask you to do that. Did Kondo-san or Hijikata-san tell you to do that?
You didn’t? It was your own decision to come here? I told you that kind of thing is annoying!
I’m not overexerting myself! It used to be normal for me to practice alone at night! I’ve never been stopped by anyone…! Stay away from me!
I didn’t ask you to worry about me. I’m not the kind of person other people should worry about! I’ve got to become stronger and kill more people for the sake of Kondo-san and the others!
So I can’t stop now. I’ve said that I don’t need someone to help me so many times, but Kondo-san and Hijikata-san want you to stay by my side. Do I look that unreliable?
No… It’s no good asking you that. Forget what I just said. I’m going back to my room now. You’ll be satisfied if I do, won’t you?
Good night then. Thanks for working so late.
 Choshu – A clan that was an enemy of the shogunate and the Shinsengumi.
Have you finally brought it here? You can come in.
Please put the things over there. Could you get out the things wrapped up in the cloth? I’ve got my hands full writing something at the moment.
Ah, that’s good. My sash has been beautifully made. That shop really does have the most skilled seamstress. Alright, put the sash in that dresser.
So why did you casually come to my room at this time? You got here half an hour later than the time I told you to come yesterday. If you’ve got a reason, I suppose I can hear what it is.
Hmm… You had to do the preparations for dinner at the same time? You were late going out on your errands?
Do you think that’s a good reason to be late? You’re supposed to be my assistant, aren’t you? If you don’t do things when I want you to, you’re just useless and I can’t keep you around.
Ah. But it’s alright if you say you can’t do it. It’s not like I’ll stop you. Isn’t it alright if you tell Kondo-san or Hijikata-san directly that you want to stop being my assistant because you can’t follow my orders?
But weren’t you reluctant to leave this place the before? Back then, I was kind enough to say I’d let you go. I won’t do that anymore. Poor you.
So if you’re going to leave, then do it without me noticing you. Well, I think that’s impossible though. If you show even the slightest sign of escaping, I’ll tell Kondo-san or Hijikata-san right away. Remember that.
Hey. What do you think would happen if you did that? Running away goes against the Shinsengumi regulations , so anyone who tries to escape will be got rid of. I wonder if the Shinsengumi regulations apply to you? I suppose that doesn’t matter though. I don’t care if someone who disobeys Kondo-san’s orders isn’t a soldier. I’ll kill them, no matter who they are.
I’ll feel better if I kill you, won’t I? I’ll no longer have to see the unpleasant sight of you. Then I’ll be able to prove to Kondo-san and the others that I’m fine without an assistant. Don’t you think that would be a good thing for me?
Hmm? You think I can’t prove that? What do you mean? Are you trying to say I’m still unwell?
Ah…Is that so? Hmm…are you trying to defy me? You obviously answered back to me just now.
That wasn’t your intention? That’s no good…Do you think you can deceive me like that? You’ve underestimated me, haven’t you? I want to kill you after all. If I don’t deal with you now, I have a feeling you’ll become arrogant. My patience has run out anyway.
The expression on your face has changed. You thought that I was bluffing when I said I’d kill you, didn’t you? I’m serious, of course. Do you have any last words? I’ll listen to what you have to say.
You don’t have any?
I see. Well, goodbye then. I’ll take pity on you and kill you quickly.
Eh? What is it? I can’t hear you. Are you whispering a death poem or something? You’ve got to say it more clearly. What is it?
If I really…? What is it?
Hmm…If you really want to kill me, please do it when you’re well again?
What are you saying? I can kill you when I’m feeling better? That’s great!
How strange. Are you an idiot? Even if someone was just about to be killed, they wouldn’t normally say that kind of thing. It really makes me laugh that you would respond like that.
I thought you’d run away crying if I scared you this much. I didn’t think you’d challenge me.
Eh? Yes, that’s right. I was just trying to scare you. There’s no way I’d really kill you. Hijikata-san would get angry at me. I tricked you? That’s right. But don’t you think you’re in the wrong for falling for this kind of trick? It’s good that you learned something about life. Record the experience you just had in your dim-witted head.
Hmm? You want to know if I’ve acknowledged you as my assistant? Haha. Who said anything about that? I’ve said this from the beginning. I don’t need anyone to help me. There’s no reason to worry about me either. The captain of the first Shinsengumi troop mustn’t be treated like a weakling. You understand, don’t you? If you understand, then go away.
Ah… I forgot to tell you something important. I want to eat boiled fish tomorrow. So please prepare that for dinner tomorrow. For all the men, of course. It’d be unfair if I was the only one to get it. You’ll have to wake up quite early and go to the fish market to get enough. Good luck.
Well then, good night.
Ah, this is no good. It seems that she won’t quit, no matter what I say.
 Shinsengumi regulations – The Shinsengumi code prohibited five things: Deviating from the samurai code (Bushido), leaving the Shinsengumi, raising money privately, taking part in others’ litigation and engaging in private fights.
Hey. How many days has it been since you got ordered to become my assistant? Hasn’t it been almost a month? Or two months?
Longer than that? Oh, I see. Did that much time pass by?
Why am I asking all of a sudden? No reason. I was just sighing because I was feeling like I’d given up. You won’t leave me alone, no matter what I say. I’m really tired of your stubbornness. Anyway, how about you look where you’re going when you carry the laundry? There’s a stone you might trip over lying where you’re just about to step.
I told you so. I can’t believe you tripped over that stone. The laundry is covered in dirt. You’ll have to do it all over again, won’t you? That’s too bad. Honestly, I can never get tired of watching you. You made me laugh again today. Well then, good luck with the laundry.
Eh? Where am I going? I’m going to take a bath. I’ve gotten tired of escaping outside without you noticing me, so you don’t have to keep an eye on me all the time. Don’t worry.
Right. Please bring some water to my room tonight, before I go to sleep. I’d like it to be as cold as possible. Well, do your best cleaning all that dirty laundry.
Ah, you’re here. Put the water over there.
Why am I on the balcony? I was thinking that summer would be over soon, and I wanted to feel the evening air. See, you can hear them, right? The crickets are beginning to chirp. This means that autumn is near.
My health? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve said it several times, but all I had at the Ikedaya was just anaemia. Can you stop worrying about it already?
Eh? My appetite has gotten smaller? I suppose so. Well, it was hot this summer and a loss of appetite is normal in this season. Anyway, how about you worry about yourself? You look much thinner than you were when we first met. You probably haven’t been eating properly because you’re working all the time, right?
Hmm? There’s no way I’d be worried about you. I’m telling you to stop being my assistant and go back to being a normal servant, if you’re that busy. I don’t care about your health. No matter how thin you get, or if you have to stay in bed with a fever, I won’t hesitate to make you work everyday. That’s what being an assistant means, doesn’t it? So, now…
What? You think I’m kind? You’re saying that to me? Hey. How can you think in such an easygoing way? Are you really that thoughtless? Talking to you really does make me annoyed. Because you’re always like that. Why are you standing there anyway? Could you sit down next to me or go away? I can’t stay calm if you keep standing there. I can’t enjoy the crickets chirping.
Hmm…You’re going to sit down? You’re quite a strange person.
It’s been a long time since I’ve listened carefully to the insects chirping. I haven’t stood on the balcony or looked up at the moon for a while too.
Ah, come to think of it, I thought that the moon looked beautiful on the night of the Ikedaya attack too. A small and thin moon also rose up that night. I thought killing someone on that night wouldn’t be so bad. I felt glad that those who passed away were able to sacrifice themselves to the beautiful moon. The instant when their life came to an end, embraced by that cold and bright light must have felt good. If my life is going to come to an end, then I’d like to die underneath this moon.
Why’d you stand up so suddenly? You’re going for a walk at this time? Are you crazy? At night, random killers and the Tenchu  roam the streets of Kyoto. I can’t allow you to go, no matter what.
What? So you want to take a walk inside the quarters? You want me to come with you? Why? If you want to look at the moon, then just wander around by yourself.
I’ve lost interest because you said something strange. I’m going back to my room. Goodbye then.
Why are you following me? Didn’t you want to go for a walk?
What? You just didn’t want to let me sleep alone? Hmm…You said something quite suggestive. So will you be sleeping beside me then?
Am I wrong? Then what did you mean?
Alright then. I’m still feeling awake anyway. If you don’t mind being alone in my room with me at night, then close the door and come here.
You really are an idiot. Who do you think I am? Do you think I’m a harmless and gentle man who won’t make a move on you? You’ve got to be kidding. No one can stay sane on an evening with such a beautiful moon. I suppose you could say the moon charms people. No matter how much someone rejected another person, they’d lose the reason to do that simply because the other person made a move on them.
You don’t want to let me sleep alone, right? You’ve become scared because I started talking about dying underneath the moon. You think I might disappear just like that. I won’t disappear. You can confirm that for yourself if you like. How about you hold onto me the whole night to make sure I don’t disappear?
Haha. Oh no. You shook your head in a really determined way again. You really are interesting. I’m not desperate enough to make a move on you, so don’t worry. It was a joke. Just a joke. You fall for things right away. You don’t have to worry, I won’t disappear. My place is where Kondo-san and Hijikata-san are. I have to watch over the fate of the Shinsengumi together with Kondo-san and the others.
Why? It’s because there’s nothing else important to me. Ever since I was left to die, I haven’t had anyone to call family. To tell the truth, I have a sister who is related to me by blood, but those people are like strangers to me. My master was nothing more than a master. He couldn’t become like family. Long ago, I thought I would live and die alone. But now Kondo-san and Hijikata-san are here. Those two are my family. I’m living for their sake. There’s no way I can disappear.
I’ve talked too much, haven’t I? I wonder why I told you of all people about this. We’re similar in a way. That might be why. You don’t have a single relative either, do you? Unlike me, you don’t have someone like Kondo-san either. Why are you staying here?
Because you’re worried about me? Haha. Hmm? Are you treating me like a weakling again? You’ve decided that I’m more unfortunate than you because I’m sick and felt sorry for me, and you’re relieved that you’re happier than me, aren’t you? Is that the reason? How ridiculous.
I’m wrong? What are you saying? If you stay around me and make me look pitiful, I can be got rid of discreetly as time passes, even though I’m the captain of the first troop. So you were made to stay beside me and make me seem like an even weaker, pitiful man who needs help. Isn’t that right? Because there’s no reason for someone sick like me to be in the Shinsengumi. It’s obvious that I’m an inconvenience to Kondo-san, Hijikata-san and the other men. But I won’t let that go on. I’ve decided to follow Kondo-san. I won’t let myself be chased away. I can still fight.
Why are you crying?
I know that. I know that, even if you don’t tell me. Kondo-san and Hijikata-san aren’t like that. They’re honestly worried about me. I know that. But I hate when people worry about me. I want to be strong. I have to be the strongest assassin in the Shinsengumi, a man who is feared by anyone.
How did I end up talking about this? I can’t believe I’d tell you about my fears. There must be something wrong with me. Hey. I thought your situation was like the one I was in before, but it’s completely different. It’s not the same. At the very least, your heart is purer than mine. I’ve known for a while that you were honestly worried about me. But I’m a twisted person, so I couldn’t thank you properly. I probably won’t ever thank you either.
Eh? It’s fine as long as I understand that? Hmm…You’re such an unselfish person. I think I’ve treated you quite cruelly though. Are you saying you don’t care about any of that? You’re quite kind, aren’t you? So…you won’t get angry if I do something like this?
You really aren’t going to get angry? Perhaps you’re unexpectedly used to this kind of thing. Hey…are you listening? Hey. You got surprised. What’s the matter? You’ve got your mouth wide open. Are your tearful eyes supposed to tempt me? Or have you been charmed by the moon too?
Well then…why don’t we leave things up to temptation?
Ah. What’s the matter? You don’t have to panic and keep your distance.
Well, well. Judging by your reaction…was that your first time?
I see. I’m…sorry about that. Sorry. Someone without a future shouldn’t have done that. I can’t take responsibility for what I did.
Eh? No, it’s nothing. I’m sorry. Well, it’s almost dawn. I’m going to sleep. It seems that I’ll be sleeping alone though. Don’t worry, I’m not particularly lonely. Right, you should go back to your room too.
Alright, good night. Sweet dreams.
 Tenchu – An association of samurai who served the emperor and fought to overthrow the shogunate.