Shinsengumi Hiyokuroku Wasurenagusa 2 – Itou Kashitaro
CV: Hirakawa Daisuke
Ah, it’s you.
I’m sorry, but could you go somewhere else?
There’s nothing wrong. I’m just looking at the moon.
No. Go back to your room.
It’s cold out here. You’ll catch a cold.
I’m fine! When I’m in my room, I feel as if I can’t breathe. I’m here because I want to be. I thought looking at the moon would take my mind off things.
I don’t want anyone to approach me right now though.
I wonder why you found me when I came all the way to this veranda people don’t usually go to.
You can understand when I’ve said this much, can’t you?
Could you go over there?
Is that so?
I’m the same as usual. There’s nothing strange at all.
Come on. I’m the one telling you, so isn’t that fine?
Hurry up and go somewhere else.
You’re so annoying. I’ll be back to normal in the morning.
Isn’t that fine?
Why don’t you go to sleep and forget about me?
What good will worrying about a man you don’t even love do?
It doesn’t matter if I’m acting strangely!
Or is someone kind like you so worried about a worthless person like me that they wouldn’t mind catching a cold and collapsing from a lack of sleep?
Is it that interesting to see me acting strangely?
I know. But I’m not acting like a decent person this evening.
I treated you cynically and hurt you so easily.
Despite your intelligence, you’re also a fool.
Nothing good will come of hearing what I’ve got to say. You’re just going to end up feeling bad listening to me complain on and on.
I see. Then you can just listen to everything and look down on me.
I was the one who forced that person into a difficult situation. I was the one who made him commit suicide.
He and I studied together. I’ve seen him training on many occasions.
His skills were enough to charm me. He certainly was a first-rate swordsman.
However, he had become unable to wield a sword even before I joined the troop. Because of that, he had begun to lose his place within the Shinsengumi. At the very least, I’m sure that’s how he felt.
In addition to having studied with him, I suddenly joined the Shinsengumi as an adviser. It was at that time that he completely lost his place within the Shinsengumi.
Then that incident happened… My existence pushed him into a difficult situation.
I actually wanted to save him too though.
Was that something unexpected? I suppose it was.
That was because I smiled when I saw how things ended for him.
I felt that it was unfortunate, but unavoidable.
I smiled. You see… Isn’t that what I should have done?
If I was troubled by his death, then he would become even more pitiful. That would be unforgivable!
However… Since then, my regrets have become even greater at night, making me wish I could cry out loud.
I spend every evening here, acting as if I’m the victim.
It’s strange, isn’t it?
That’s right. It might be better if someone blames me.
Hey… Will you laugh at me scornfully?
Tell me I’m a worthless man. That I shouldn’t even be here!
You wouldn’t do that, would you?! Because you’re such a kind person!
I knew that!
I said those things because I knew…
I really am a terrible person.
I could say something even worse…
Not being able to fulfil my aim is a greater regret than his death.
Because of his death, there’s no longer anything I can do.
It’s no good. There’s no future for the Shinsengumi.
People with different ways of thinking joining forces and wielding their swords.
I always thought the Shinsengumi just had to become like that.
That was the aim I was trying to achieve here. If we shared the belief of expelling the foreigners, then the supporters of the emperor and the supporters of the shogunate wouldn’t have to fight each other.
I was trying to be the mediator who made that happen. But then that person was killed and everyone began to argue even more.
The Shinsengumi will soon fall apart.
If that happens, then there is only one path for the men who have opposing thoughts to Kondo-san and Hijikata-kun. They will have no choice but to leave the Shinsengumi.
I thought I could have done better than this. In the end, I wasn’t able to do anything.
I’ve said this before, but I love the Shinsengumi. I don’t want it to fall apart.
That’s why the supporters of the emperor have to consider leaving the Shinsengumi. Even the men who support the emperor continue to believe in their ideals because they think it will make the world a better place.
Isn’t it a tragedy for them to be killed in such a one-sided manner?
It’s much more peaceful to force the men who hold different beliefs to leave, instead of killing them. If only we could have worked things out by discussing them…
It was no good, was it?
I was happy to help everyone to study, teach them the basics of conversation and create students who could express themselves eloquently. Everything is going to end up being worthless. It’s unfortunate.
You gently wiped away my tears. When I looked at you in surprise, you hesitantly spoke in a small voice.
“I might not be able to understand the way you feel. But I know that crying alone is a sorrowful thing. At least let me wipe away your tears.”
Stop that. I might really fall in love with you.
This is no good… Even though it was a feeling terrible enough to make me want to die…
How can something you say make me feel this way?
You’d probably say the same thing to anyone.
But I want to misunderstand those words in a way that’s convenient for myself.
It’s just as I thought… You really are too kind.
If you were to leave the Shinsengumi… You would still be tormented by guilt, even if I insisted that it was the right thing to do.
It was a difficult thing to talk about. Just forget about it.
I wasn’t planning on talking about this.
This is no good…
Hey! Wait a minute!
Kondo-san asked you to run an errand, didn’t he?
I’ll come with you. These days, a woman should be careful when walking alone, even if it’s during the daytime.
You’re always so hesitant. Even though you wouldn’t leave me alone the other night, no matter how much I insisted upon it.
I’m not trying to criticise you. I was able to feel better because of it.
Well… If you’re feeling sorry about it, then why don’t we do this?
Alright? Let’s hold hands like this again.
Walking around the city like this was fun, wasn’t it?
If you don’t mind, then I’d like to do the same thing again today.
I wish we could entwine our fingers too, but then you’d be too embarrassed to walk with me, wouldn’t you?
I understand how I should act around you.
Alright, let’s go.
Where are we going then?
A sweet shop?
Ah… Did he say something like “Miss… I want you to buy me some sweets so that Hijikata-kun doesn’t find out.”?
Kondo-san is the same as usual.
Hmm… Don’t you think that being sent on an errand like that gives you the right to have a taste of the sweets?
I just found somewhere that’d be perfect for having a break. Let’s go there on the way home after we’ve been to the sweet shop.
I’m looking forward to it.
Let’s have a break here. No one else is around. There’s a slight breeze which feels good, doesn’t it?
You really bought a lot though, didn’t you? Did Kondo-san really tell you to buy this many steamed buns?
I see… So that’s why Hijikata-kun gets angry.
Right! How about we eat then?
They’re delicious! The black sesame smells really good!
Hey. Do you think we can get away with eating one more?
If my lovely accomplice agrees, then it must be okay!
It’s so delicious that having a taste was the right thing to do!
If Kondo-san gets angry at anyone, then it’ll be the two of us together.
Also… You’ve completely let your guard down now.
Ah… You dropped the steamed bun!
Are you alright?
Ah… I’m sorry. It wasn’t just the first time, but this time too. I’ve been too forward.
Even so… I’m reluctantly trying to hold myself back a little.
I’d actually like to kiss you everywhere. I might actually make a move.
If only holding you like this was enough to satisfy me.
The longer I’m with you, the more I feel like I want to stop holding myself back and steal you away instead.
Do you think I’m lying?
You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you I loved you now.
That would be my own fault though.
Hey… If I can’t say it out loud, then how about this way?
I heard you’d be going out and so I quickly wrote up a few lines. I wanted to tell you my feelings somewhere we wouldn’t be disturbed.
I wasn’t able to write a particularly good love letter. Will you still listen to it though?
No matter what I say, it might sound like I’m not telling the truth, but I want to make a promise to you. Whenever you’re sad or hurt, it will be my turn to wipe your tears away. I’ll always be by your side.
This is how I feel right now. I won’t ask you to believe me. You can decide whether I’m telling the truth or not.
I see. You really are a kind person.
If I was going to be selfish, then I would want to know how you feel too. I think I’m also scared to ask. I’m a cowardly person like that. I’m a little surprised.
Ah… I’m sorry though. It seems as if I’m saying something selfish, but there’s no need for you to respond to my feelings. If I ask you any more than this, then it won’t be any good for you. Nothing good will come from getting involved.
Alright… Shall we go back now?
Kondo-san is going to get impatient if we take too long.
Can we hold hands on the way back too?
Ah… Bell crickets…
I see… It’s already autumn.
Now that I think about it, I feel as if I’ve been here a long time.
My chance has finally come. I wonder what will happen to the Shinsengumi.
Ah… It’s you, hmm?
What is it? Refreshments?
Thank you. I was just about to stop training though.
Could you give those rice balls to one of the other men?
It’s nothing. Not something for you to worry about anyway.
Hmm… If I seem to be acting strangely now, then wasn’t I actually strange before?
I’m feeling better than ever. There’s nothing to worry about.
I can’t fool you at all, can I?
Shall we talk for a while?
Sit down there.
I’m going to leave the Shinsengumi and take the men who support the emperor with me.
Everyone has probably already noticed, but the rift within the Shinsengumi has become unmanageable.
What Hijikata-kun is trying to do means eliminating anyone who doesn’t share the same beliefs.
I want to save the men he is trying to get rid of. Even if someone else didn’t do this, the Shinsengumi would still end up being split apart.
I’m going to leave this place because I love the Shinsengumi.
But I’m nothing more than a traitor to the men who will remain in the Shinsengumi. You’ll think of me as a bad person too. Isn’t that right?
That’s because you’re obviously going to stay with the Shinsengumi, aren’t you?
A kind person like you couldn’t betray anyone. You belong here.
So I’m speaking to you with the assumption that you’ll be staying with the Shinsengumi.
You did say that you’d wipe away my tears back then.
But wasn’t that only going to be while I was a member of the Shinsengumi? Even I understand that much.
Is that so? If you don’t consider me a traitor, then it seems as if my reason for leaving the Shinsengumi makes sense to you, doesn’t it?
Is it alright for you to trust me so easily? I’m the type of man who enjoys killing worthless men.
Isn’t it strange for you to believe what someone like me says?
You’re such an honest person. You want to trust someone like me… Even though everything I’m saying might not be the truth… I wonder whether you’re actually foolish, or something else entirely…
I believe that I should consider and decide all my actions by myself. I’ve always done that up until now. I’ve lived honestly, only believing in my own justice. I don’t doubt myself.
I can’t do anything about how that might look to other people. The important thing is continuing to believe in the justice that I’d first chosen. In the same sense, even that stubborn man Hijikata-kun is trying to continue believing in his own justice. It’s an honourable thing to do.
On the other hand, I dislike anyone who changes their beliefs just because of the opinions of others.
One of the men I studied with is called Sakamoto Ryoma.  He’s the clearest example of that. It disgusts me to see someone without a sense of their own self.
That’s why I certainly can’t consider that everything would work out if all the men became supporters of the shogunate. That’s not my sense of justice.
I think that there’s no future for supporters of the emperor like Heisuke and I, other than leaving the Shinsengumi.
Yes. There’s no other choice. We’ll never have the same beliefs as Kondo-san and the others, no matter what.
It’s not a question of who believes in the right thing though. Only time will tell who is in the right.
That’s why I feel as if I have to believe in my own thoughts and never let myself compromise. Otherwise I’ll lose, swallowed by the waves of time! Until now, I’ve seen many others who’ve faded away without believing in themselves.
The Shinsengumi and I are too wonderful to end here, aren’t we? That’s why we’re going to go our separate ways. I’m sad that it’s happening though.
The promise? Ah… The promise I made to always stay by your side?
I wonder about that… The way things are, I’d end up having lied again.
I don’t want it to be a lie either. But it would be better for your sake if it was a lie.
Yes. That’s right. I make too many decisions all by myself.
But I’m scared to say how I really feel. I’m not good at giving answers.
I’m going to leave the Shinsengumi. If you can’t forgive me for that, then just report it to Hijikata-kun. But if you can forgive me, then I’d like to take you with me.
I won’t force you to come. I actually want to take you without even asking. That wouldn’t be any good though. You should just believe in your own sense of justice.
I’ve revealed everything to you. But if you still decide to stay with the Shinsengumi, then there’s nothing that I can do.
I’ll only ask this once. Will you come with me?
You’ll come with me?
You’re right… Without you, I’ll just end up crying alone. There’d be no one to wipe away my tears from now on. I need you.
Once we leave the Shinsengumi, it’s very likely that we’ll end up facing Kondo-san and the others as enemies. Our lives might be in danger.
But even the Shinsengumi was the target of extreme loyalists. Either side has its dangers.
I want you to come with me. I’ll make sure I protect you.
Thank goodness. It looks like I’ll be able to stay by your side from now on.
That promise won’t have to be a lie.
You didn’t like that?
I thought so. I don’t have to hold back then.
I reached my limit a long time ago.
Put your arms around me.
That’s right. I want to feel your heartbeat close to me.
I love you.
I wonder when it began. Before I knew it, I had been captivated by you.
I love you.
I can finally touch you.
Did you want me to touch you too?
Then tell me that.
Or did you actually want to touch me?
Right now, I belong completely to you. Try and touch me.
See… My body has become so warm while thinking about you.
Hey… I love you.
My love for you is real now. I was lying all the other times I said I loved you.
I’m sorry. I was planning on using you at first.
You have a refreshing effect on the Shinsengumi, so I thought that it’d be easier to befriend people with different ways of thinking if you were on my side.
At some point, I became unable to tell whether I was approaching you for the sake of that aim or whether I was interested in you.
I really confused you, didn’t I?
I’m sorry. I really do love you now.
Yes… Your skin looks really pink.
Maybe kisses alone aren’t enough to satisfy you?
Relax. There’s nothing to be afraid of.
It seems as if you like it here. Do you want me to keep touching you?
Try and beg me by saying “more…”
Do it in a cute way.
That’s no good. I don’t like it when people answer back.
Just be quiet and do as I say.
If reason is getting in our way, then just abandon it right away.
I want you to feel me deeply.
Hey… I want you to desire me more.
I love you.
Do you want me to touch you here too?
Ah… It’s amazing…
It’s much exciting than when I’ve killed someone or found a wonderful nishiki-e…
You see… Don’t you?
Until now, I thought it was natural to feel excited about a undressed woman in front of you, but doing this with someone you love makes your heart beat faster like this…
I want you to become even more captivated by me too. I want you to feel embarrassed and cling to me.
I’d never realised this feeling. This might be the first time I’ve truly fallen in love with a woman.
I want to treat you gently, but part of me also wants to make you cry. Would you cry if I did something to make you really embarrassed?
Hey… You’ve seen me crying, haven’t you? I want you to cry this time.
This is enough to make you struggle like that… Aren’t you embarrassed?
You’re trying your best not to make a sound. Do you like it that much?
See… I’m going to wipe away all your tears.
Cry… Look at me more closely and feel embarrassed…
Why are you shaking your head? You don’t want to do as I say?
Or are you denying that this feels good enough to make you cry?
But just a slight touch is enough… See… There are so many…
Look… It’s amazing, isn’t it?
All these tears flow out when I do this…
You look cute. I love you.
I love you.
I want you to say it too.
Come on… Say it…
Say that you love me…
I feel the same way… I want to touch you even more…
Your warmth feels as if it’s going to make me melt.
Hey… Do you love me?
Give me your hand. Let me hold it.
I like holding hands with you. I want to be connected with you everywhere.
I love you.
No matter how many times I say that, it won’t be enough.
I love you.
 Sakamoto Ryoma was an important figure in the movement to overthrow the Tokugawa shogunate. He was assassinated in 1867 and the leader of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isami, was executed for this crime. However, the Mimawarigumi (a special police force similar to the Shinsengumi) later confessed to his murder.
Not long after that, in April 1867, I left the Shinsengumi with along with you, Toudou Heisuke, Saitou Hajime and several other men, then went on to form the Goryou-Eji. 
I don’t know what became of the Shinsengumi. Although I’m worried, the only thing I can do is to pray that things turn out well for them. We may have gone our separate ways, but I still love the Shinsengumi and the members within it.
I honestly hope for a day when we will be able to understand one another.
I’m worried about several other things, such as the future of the Goryou-Eji, but at the moment, I’m enjoying every single day. The days I’m spending with you are something new to me.
Holding hands, kissing and whispering our love to each other.
From the moment I wake up in the morning, I start looking forward to the evenings I spend with you.
Hmm… I wonder why it never feels like enough, no matter how many times we kiss.
Can I kiss you one more time?
Ah… I know. It’s your fault for having such a sad look on your face when our lips part.
Shall we have one more kiss?
Oh my… Of course I feel sad about it. So it’s only natural to seem like that.
But if you had a satisfied look on your face, then I could consider it.
However, you’ve got a look of desire in your eyes. You excite me by breathing harder right away, don’t you? That’s why I don’t stop kissing you.
So I’m going to kiss you one more time.
Hmm… Why’d you stop me?
You want to talk about something?
Alright then. It’s not as if we know everything about each other yet anyway. Conversations are important.
What I was like in the past?
Well… I experienced many different things. I went away to Mito in order to study. I was also a teacher at a private school.  Then I took over the Hokushin Itto Ryu  dojo too.
You didn’t know I was strong enough to take over a dojo, did you? I’m accomplished in both literary and military arts. That’s why I can protect you too. Have you fallen in love with me again?
It’s cute how honest you are. I can’t hold myself back after all. I’m going to kiss you one more time.
Shall we continue?
Hmm? Don’t be so reluctant.
Are you embarrassed? You don’t have to be so obvious about changing the subject.
Well… That’s right. It’s where I met Heisuke too. I got to know him at my dojo.
Do we have to talk about this right now though?
It’s not polite to talk about another man when you’re under the quilt with me.
All you have to do is be captivated by me.
I suppose I don’t have a choice.
Fine. I shouldn’t tire you out too much anyway.
Right… We’ve been staying inside all the time recently, so how about we go out into the city for once tomorrow? I want to hold hands and walk with you again.
You want to play with a vidro again? Why’s that?
Alright then. The one I played with before was probably broken anyway. It should be fine this time.
Hmm… Maybe I’ll get a reward if I manage to play the vidro.
A reward… Like a kiss or a love letter… Is that alright?
Then go to sleep now and we’ll leave early tomorrow morning.
Ah… I might buy some books at the book shop. I’ve finished reading all the books I’ve got.
You’re right. It might be because of the bookmark we bought together. When I see that pale blue colour these days, I can’t help picking up a book. Then before I know it, the book is finished.
I hope that everyone is doing well.
Hmm… I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said it wasn’t lonely. But there are people who believed in me and came with me. Most importantly, you’re by my side.
I hope I’ll always be on good terms with the people I’ve met.
When I want so many things, I begin to wonder what’s most important to me.
Out of all the people we meet in our lifetime, there are probably only a few who we mustn’t let go of or who we want to keep beside us. Some people might not ever meet someone like that.
That’s why I’m really happy we met and that you chose me.
You’re the only person I definitely can’t lose. I won’t let go of you, even when I’m gone.
Hey… I want you to be my wife.
I was wondering when to ask you, but I’d never imagined saying it underneath this quilt. It seems like my feelings just all came out. Were you surprised?
You’re happy… Does that mean you’re saying yes then?
I should be thanking you. I love you.
Don’t cry. I want you to save your tears for when you’re struggling in my arms.
I’m only joking.
Come on. Look this way. I’ll wipe your tears away.
It seems like we’ve got one more plan for tomorrow. I’ve got to buy you a comb.
I’m looking forward to it too. Show me some combs that you like.
I’ll buy you as many as you like, even if it’s ten or a hundred.
We should go to sleep soon.
Can we keep holding hands like this? I can sleep better that way.
I hope we’ll see each other in our dreams too.
 The Goryou-Eji was a group created by Itou Kashitarou after he and his allies separated from the Shinsengumi. Its name means “Guards of the Emperor’s Tomb”.
 Itou Kashitaro’s father ran a private school called Shunjuku, where Itou taught after completing his studies.
 Hokushin Itto Ryu is a school of swordsmanship that was founded in the 1820s by Chiba Shusaku Narimasa. Swordsmen who mastered it include the Shinsengumi members Itou Kashitaro, Toudou Heisuke and Yamanami Keisuke.