Shinsengumi Mokuhiroku Wasurenagusa 5 – Hijikata Toshizo
CV – Hosoya Yoshimasa
Where’s Kondo-san? Hasn’t anyone seen him?
I can’t believe he disappeared at a time like this!
Hey, you! You were sweeping the garden during the day, weren’t you? Did you see Kondo-san leaving the headquarters?
You didn’t? Honestly! You’re no good when it matters!
Alright. Never mind.
What is it? I haven’t got time to be talking to you. Get back to work.
You’ll look for Kondo-san with me?
Alright. You look around the headquarters and this neighbourhood. If you find Kondo-san or Souji, tell them to come to my room right away.
Listen up. Don’t tell anyone else about this. Not even the captains. Understand?
What should you do if you find Kondo-san or Souji?
Tell them it’s about Sannan.
Ah, it’s you. Someone might see you. Come in.
Are you done helping Souji get ready?
Hmm? A message from Souji?
He’s leaving tomorrow morning.
I see. We didn’t find Kondo-san in the end, but it was a good thing you found Souji. I think you’ve probably already noticed, but Sannan has disappeared. It seems that he is on his way to Edo. I have some idea of the reason why.
He disagreed with the decisions Kondo-san and I made. Although he was with the Shinsengumi, he was a strong supporter of the emperor. His ideas were fundamentally different to ours. All of us knew that.
We also knew something like this would happen. But even among rough people like us, he was compassionate and insightful. We didn’t want to let go of him.
But I can’t believe we’re going to end up causing his death.
Why are you looking like that?
Don’t misunderstand. It’s unforgivable for someone to leave, whether they’re a vice commander or an ordinary soldier. We can’t ignore someone who has broken the rules. Those who should be punished, will be. That’s how the Shinsengumi is.
I’m pretending? Why are you saying such a ridiculous thing?
This isn’t how I really feel? You think that I’m unhappy about losing Sannan?
That’s right. Losing him is a serious setback to the Shinsengumi. He was a capable man. Even if our ideals were different, Sannan Keisuke was necessary to the team. If I regret anything, then it is my inability to use him well!
When did you become the kind of person who could say such arrogant things?
Pretending? My true self? I don’t remember showing that to someone like you!
A foolish woman like you shouldn’t talk as if she knows me! Or do you want to see my true self? Do you want to know what kind of man I am?
Fine. I’ll show you my true self if that’s what you want. Prepare yourself. I may not look like it, but I’m quite persistent.
What’s the matter? You seemed so proud, but now you look different.
Did you think that if you kept to my word nothing would happen? You thought you wouldn’t be in danger? How naïve.
Don’t struggle. Stay still. Can’t you understand I’m telling you to stay still?
You’re a disobedient dog. It seems that you need to be punished.
Put out your hands. Just do it.
There’s no need for a dog to act like a human. I’ll tie your hands up so you’ll remember that you’re a dog.
Well? Have you remembered what you are and who your master is?
You still don’t know? I see. Then I’ll give you a collar and tie you to that post. A disobedient dog shouldn’t be allowed to run free, you see.
You look wonderful tied up and wearing a collar. A dog that ignores its master has to be properly trained.
You’re trembling. I like the expression on your face. I’ve wanted to see your face like that since we first met. You look afraid and your face is tense. But you can’t do anything by yourself. Your face is filled with despair. I can’t get enough.
You want me to forgive you? You really don’t understand anything. That makes me even angrier. Remember this. Asking for forgiveness just adds fuel to the fire. It only excites me even more. Or did you do that on purpose?
Hmm? You’re asking me what I’m going to do? Well… I wonder what.
You’re interested in me, aren’t you?
My true self. The way I really am. You want to know me, not the vice captain of the Shinsengumi. Am I wrong?
I see you’re not denying it. Or are you unable to speak in this situation?
In that case, show yourself to me first. Show yourself to me completely. Show me what no one else has seen.
What’s the matter? Come on, look up.
Hmm? Why are you embarrassed?
All I did was touch you while you were still clothed. You’re acting like you were touched by something unclean. But to me you look like you’re asking for more. I’ll take off this cord that’s in the way.
How does it feel for me to see everything?
You’re asking me to stop? What are you talking about? I told you, didn’t I? You’re my dog. And you were the one who tempted me. You want to know about me, don’t you? Am I wrong?
You’re still nervous?
Come on. Don’t look away. Show me your face.
Not bad. A mixture of fear and shame. Yes, this is the expression. It suits you well.
You’ve finally started to cry.
Who told you to look away? Look at me. Don’t make me repeat myself. What are you to me?
Why are you so scared? I might actually be a kind man. See for yourself. Try to reveal who I am.
Your skin is like snow. It stays cold, no matter what. You still don’t know anything yet, but for that reason alone, I want to see your skin warm up. I’ll leave my mark on your body.
That’s right. I’ll gently leave a mark.
Hey. Can you feel that I’m warm? It should feel even warmer because you’re cold. You’re still crying? But that’ll only be for now.
Even if you look at me with that fearful expression now, you’ll come to desire me some day. Not just your body, but your heart too. You’ll be happy about what I’m doing to you.
Your hands will be tied and you won’t have any freedom. You’ll be happy. Your body and heart will become my dog. Understand?
Honestly, I thought you’d be more used to this. Why are you looking at me like that? I told you I might be a kind man.
Are you dissatisfied about something? It’s not as if I did something. Or is having your hands tied not enough?
Come on. Get up. I feel good enough seeing you weep like that. But… Right… When you’re completely my dog, I can loosen the rope around your neck a little.
Hey, you! Wait!
What’s that you’re carrying? Where are you going?
What? Is it something you can’t tell me?
Why aren’t you saying anything?
Tch. There are too many people here.
Come on! We’re going back.
Alright. Tell me where you were going.
There’s no point in lying. Tell the truth.
What? Souji asked you to run an errand? Souji brought home the wrong shoes from the clinic?
You were going to return them? Then why didn’t you say that right away?
You were told it’d be bad for someone else to find out? So you went there in secret?
What’s that supposed to mean? I know how Souji is, but you’re different! You knew you’d get told off if you tried to hide something.
Come to think of it, how is Souji?
I see. So he looked a little pale…
I’m sorry, but could you put a heater in his room? It’s going to be cold tonight. You warm up your room too. The chores won’t get done if you catch a cold.
Ah. Sorry for the trouble.
Put it over there.
So it snowed all day again? There’s a lot of snow this year. It’s as if winter is never going to end. Even though it’s already March.
I’m sorry about today. I lost my cool when you’d gone and no one knew where you were.
Hmm? You’re asking what’s the matter? I can’t believe you’re worrying about me.
I don’t like it when someone goes away without saying a thing. Not knowing where they’ve gone or if they’re even alive. It’s worse than having someone die in front of you. It stays in your mind and you’re unable to forget.
You’re sorry? It’s no use apologising this time.
Anyway, I’ve got to be strict about warning Souji this time. There are times when he acts like a child.
Hmm? I seem to be quite fond of Souji? I don’t know if that’s the right way of putting it, but he’s like a brother to me. He is acknowledged as a teacher and the captain of the first troop, but he’ll always be a troublesome younger brother to me and Kondo-san.
Oh? You’re asking if I’ve known them a long time? Right… You probably don’t know about this.
When I was still an apprentice, we got to know each other at a dojo called Shieikan  in Edo. I also met Harada, Heisuke and Saito-kun there. I was the youngest child in a big family. I was unable to become anything, and for a long time all I did was wander. I wandered during my time at home and even after I left home.
So when I found a place to call my own, it was an irreplaceable happiness. I was a troublesome boy who didn’t think and was called the “thorny brat” but Kondo-san loved me like a real brother. He did the same for Souji, a lonely and dependent boy who always said arrogant things. I’m here now thanks to those two.
You probably wouldn’t understand what I’m trying to say. It’s not your fault. No one would understand. I become like a demon for that sake. There are people like Sannan who go against their will and leave too. But that’s alright. There are others among us who lose control of themselves and turn against the Shinsengumi. If the Shinsengumi is my place, then there’s only one thing for me to do here. Respect the laws and punish those who break them. Cut down those who take vengeance against the Shinsengumi and eliminate them. That’s what I can do to protect the Shinsengumi… Kondo-san and Souji…
Are they important to me? Yes, that’s right. I’d do anything for them.
Because to me they’re real family who can’t be replaced.
Why are you looking at me like that? Have you got some kind of problem?
You don’t? Then look at your face in a mirror. Is it really that strange for me to care about them?
That’s not it? Then what is it?
You envy Kondo-san and Souji? You do? You wish you could have been born as a man so I’d acknowledge you? I was wondering what you’d say… What good is it saying something like that now? You’re a woman. Don’t say such silly things.
Why do you look so upset?
Come here. Just hurry up and come over here.
I told you that you’re my dog. You’ve already become attached to your master and follow him around wherever he goes. You’re not much use, but you’re allowed to stay by his side. You’re my dog.
You should act like a dog and listen to what your master says.
 Shieikan – A dojo in Tokyo, where several of the major Shinsengumi members met one another.
Kneel down over there. I’m telling you to get down on your hands and knees. Don’t you understand?
What is it? Why do you look so unhappy? Do you think I’ll forgive you if you look pitiful?
You don’t want to do it? I see you won’t listen. A dog should do as their master says.
What’s the matter? Why are you trying to escape? A dog shouldn’t have a sense of shame. Obey me.
What? You’re going to disobey me?
I see. It seems that you haven’t had enough training yet. I don’t have a choice then. I’ll teach you properly.
That’s right. If you were able to do it, then you should have done so from the beginning.
I don’t think that getting on her hands and knees in front of a man is something that an innocent girl should do.
You should know that you have nowhere to run. Come on, put out your hands. That’s right. Good girl.
Your hands are tied and you’re crawling on the ground. You’re just like a dog. How do you feel right now? Tell me.
What’s the matter? Can’t you tell me?
Hmm? What is it? You want me to stop?
I’m in the middle of training you. I let you stop halfway through the other day, but today I won’t let you escape.
You really are cold here too. You hate it that much? When you seem so tense, it actually makes me want to do something.
You have a beautiful back. The place that’s normally hidden by your clothes is particularly beautiful. So I want to expose it even more.
A place that no one else can see. A place that only I know about.
Hmm? What’s the matter?
You don’t like it? Don’t like what?
Your ears? Ah… So this is your weak spot? I haven’t done anything yet.
What? Even my voice makes you feel good?
What’s that voice? I haven’t heard it before. Then… How about here?
What’s the matter? I told you I haven’t done anything yet.
Come on. What’s the matter? Cry out in a lovelier voice. Come on.
Well? It feels good, doesn’t it? You’re so innocent.
Does it hurt? I suppose it does. At this rate, I’m going to end up biting you.
You’re acting like it hurts, but aren’t you actually enjoying it?
Look this way. Your body feels warmer, doesn’t it? It was cold and tense from fear, but now it’s melting little by little.
Hmm? I’m not lying. When I touch your body like this, I can tell, whether you want me to know or not. You’re slowly melting.
It’s no good hiding it. I understand everything when I’m touching you like this.
I’m sure that your skin is getting warmer. Your heart is beating faster and your desire is slowly showing itself.
Why are you running away? Don’t make me repeat myself.
Are you scared that your body is getting warmer? It’s no good closing your eyes.
Come on. Try to sense me even more.
Hmm? You’re embarrassed? Didn’t I tell you a dog doesn’t need to feel shame? Seeing you hold back your voice and try to bear this really excites me.
Come here. Try and excite me even more. How do you feel right now? Tell me.
You really are a foolish woman. You became a dog of your own will. You’re my faithful dog.
Hey. Look this way.
Where will you go when I undo these ties? You ended up here when you’d lost your relatives and had nowhere to go. If you could live the way you wanted, through your own efforts, without anything holding you back, would you… Would you disappear from my sight?
What’s the matter? Don’t stay quiet. Answer me!
Are these…tears? I’m…crying?
I can’t believe I’d look so pitiful in front of you.
The Shinsengumi. Kondo-san. Souji. The allies I fight alongside. If everything disappears from my sight… If that time comes, I’ll have nothing left. I really will be alone. Where will I go for support when I’ve lost everything?
Are you saying you’ll stay by my side? Right… If someone like you is around, I might be able to distract myself.
It’s strange. At first, I thought you were just an ordinary woman you could find anywhere and I wasn’t interested in you.
Stay by my side. If you do, I can live peacefully for now.
You’ll be my dog forever. My own dog.
If you know, you will hesitate. If you do not know, you will not hesitate. 
Hmm? Hey, come here. Don’t be so scared when you approach me.
Do you think I’d try and do something in the daytime?
Hmm? You were running an errand for Kondo-san? Are you done now?
Everyone seems to be out today. They said they were preparing for cherry blossom viewing. It’s been almost a year since you came here.
At first, I was worried about how unreliable you were, but now the chores in the headquarters couldn’t get done without you. The garden looks better too because you’re taking care of it. Before it was full of weeds and no one had touched it.
Hmm? What is it?
A flower? It’s a similar colour to the blue in our uniform.
A forget-me-not, hmm? It’s a beautiful flower.
Hmm? You want to know why it’s growing here? Well, it’s the kind of flower that naturally grows anywhere. There’s no special reason.
I see. So it’s already spring.
What? Is it strange for me to say that kind of thing?
Why do you look so surprised? It’s not as if this hasn’t happened before. Were you really such a slow-witted person?
Nothing can begin if a dog and a master don’t have each other. It seems that I need someone like you.
You unselfishly stay by my side, almost to the point of foolishness, without thinking about what you might gain or lose.
Why are you embarrassed? Don’t get carried away. You’re only in second place. That’s because the Shinsengumi is the place I belong.
But… You’re the next most important thing. You’re even more important than my life. I can’t save the Shinsengumi with my life alone. But I can protect you. Stay beside me forever. You belong to me. I love you.
People and time move on. Nothing stays in one place. Many lives are lost. Many people leave. Even so, this place exists and people gather here. Thinking of that miracle makes it seem foolish to regret that I’ll eventually have to leave. There is one thing I can do – desperately try to live for the present. For my dear friends, Kondo-san and Souji. And for you, the person who is irreplaceable to me.
 This is said to be a haiku written by Hijikata. He had a hobby of writing haiku under the pen-name Hogyoku, though it’s said that he wasn’t a particularly good writer.