Shinsengumi Gyofuroku Wasurenagusa 4

Shinsengumi Gyofuroku Wasurenagusa 4 – Toudou Heisuke

CV: Shimono Hiro

Track 1

The first year of the Bunkyu era. [1] Spring.

I wonder how much time has passed since I entered the Shieikan. [2]

When I swing my wooden sword downwards, I have a real sense that my skills are improving.

The training that I sharpen my senses in order to carry out is more important to me than anything else. Amidst that, there is something that suddenly comes to mind.

[01:03]
Someday, I will hold a real sword in my hands and the tip of that sword will be pointed at someone.

I still cannot imagine what someone who wishes to be a swordsman one day will feel when they encounter that situation.

In contrast to my slow progress, times are changing at a frighteningly fast pace.

The Ansei Purge [3] had begun and the world entered a state of chaos.

[01:58]
After Ii Naosuke, the tairo, [4] had suppressed those who opposed opening up Japan to the rest of the world, he was assassinated at the Sakurado Gate. [5]

One day after another, the intensity of the Joui Faction’s [6] actions increased. The whole city of Edo [7] had become even more dangerous than it was during my childhood. Cries could be heard from the corners of the city. Lifeless bodies that looked like wax models were faintly visible. The ground was stained by blood.

[02:52]
I thought it must have been done by evil people in the name of the Joui Faction. Even when I saw that with my own eyes, I still felt as if the events of this era were something distant from me.

Life and death had nothing to do with me.

Times would change the way I wanted even if I didn’t do anything.

Holding onto that immature dream, I emptied my mind and gripped my wooden sword once again today.

[03:55]
You really are mean.

Yeah… I’m back.

So anyway… You already remember the names and faces of the people here?

It’s only been half a month since you started working as a maid. That’s amazing.

It looks like you’re doing a good job too.

I was against having a woman here at first…

Isn’t it alright though?

Well, there are men who won’t be able to concentrate on training with a woman around, aren’t there?

[04:51]
It doesn’t have anything to do with me, so I’m not that bothered.

I don’t have a single thought about women when I’m training.

You dried all these on your own?

That must be hard work.

Hmm… I’m going back to my room now.

I’m tired after walking around since morning.

Well… It doesn’t matter where, right?

Men have places where they need to go.

Hey… Wait a minute.

Will you come with me for a while?

[05:54]
You’ve finished drying the laundry, so you have time, don’t you?

In that case… I suppose that cupboard is fine?

Come on, come here.

Just come!

Hmm… We can’t do it in the garden.

Something to talk about?

No, it’s nothing like that.

You dummy. I wasn’t asking you to talk to me.

[06:50]
When a man asks you to come with him… This is what it means.

You’ve worked up a sweat.

I suppose that would happen when you’re dealing with so much laundry.

Aren’t you going to resist?

Hmm… Do you like me then?

I can understand your feelings though.

I’m quite a good man. I’m strong too.

I think I’d make a good partner.

[07:50]
Don’t make a sound. You don’t want anyone to see, do you?

Then keep quiet.

Your body is trembling.

You’re not used to this?

Well, you don’t seem like it.

I’ll teach you a few things then.

You don’t look so bad. I can have fun with you like this sometimes.

What a bad reaction. Don’t you feel anything?

Maybe I should say it more directly?

I’m going to undo your sash.

No, before that… Would you like me to kiss you?

Did you hit me just now?

[09:03]
Stop! Don’t hit me again!

I’m against violence!

What?! I wasn’t being violent at all.

You didn’t resist at all, you see…

Weren’t you into it?

Don’t pick up a weapon!

Let’s calm down and talk!

You’ll understand if we talk, okay?

Even if you’re too surprised, if you don’t react more quickly…

Even I do it while looking at my partner’s reaction.

Aren’t you at fault too?

I’m sorry! Don’t come any closer!

Alright! I won’t do it again!

So put that broom down!

I seriously thought you’d beat me up.

What’s going on, anyway?

[10:00]
I thought you were a quiet girl, but aren’t you the exact opposite?!

You acted as if you were a gentle person… You’re so awful!

That’s right! I’m wrong for misunderstanding!

You don’t have to tell me! I’ll never lay a hand on a violent woman like you again.

If I’d known about that, I wouldn’t have paid attention to you at all.

I’m joking! So don’t pick up that broom!

I wouldn’t have anything to do with you if I had a partner.

That’s why I went to the red light district earlier.

I don’t have the money for a prostitute though.

There are lots of women who are interested in love walking around, right?

I tried calling out to one again today, but it was no use at all.

[11:06]
Of course we go there. I went alone today, but I always go with Shin-san and the others.

What are you looking at me like that for?

It’s not a problem! I’m a man!

There are lots of graceful and beautiful women who are just my type there.

Good women who are nothing like you.

[1] The first year of the Bunkyu era began in 1861.
[2] The Shieikan was a dojo in Edo (modern day Tokyo) where several of the major Shinsengumi members met each other.
[3] The Ansei Purge (1858-1860) was a historical event during which the Tokugawa shogunate imprisoned, executed or exiled those who did not support its authority and policies regarding foreign trade.
[4] The tairo was a high ranking position in the Tokugawa shogunate. The tairo was able to act as a temporary leader if there was no shogun or the shogun was unable to rule.
[5] The Sakurada Gate is one of the gates at the Imperial Palace of Edo. Ii Naosuke was assassinated there during the Sakuradamon Incident in March 1860.
[6] Joui refers to the Sonno Joui was the name of a Japanese political philosophy and a social movement which became a political slogan during the 1850s and 1860s in the movement to overthrow the shogunate. It translates as “revere the emperor and expel the barbarians.”
[7] Edo is the former name of Tokyo, which was in use from 1603-1868.

Track 2

I’m going that way. See you later.

Ah… The red light district is lively again today too.

You… What are you doing here?

It’s not a coincidence, is it?

Were you following me?

Hmm…

You can’t forget about what happened the other day, can you?

[01:04]
No matter what you say, you have a feminine side!

But jealousy is a childish thing.

I mean…

You came to stop me from going to the red light district, didn’t you?

I guess you’re in love with me after all.

Huh?

What’s this? Did I drop it?

Ah… It’s the wrapper from the sweets Kondo-san gave me earlier.

Jeez. You didn’t have to come and give me this.

Ah… You’re on your way back from shopping, aren’t you?

You just followed me while you were on your way back?

Hey… Are you listening?

Hmm?

[02:00]
What is it? Are you curious about the inside of the red light district?

Hmm…

Well, you don’t seem like the type to have been inside.

I’ll show you around a little then!

There are quite a few people selling popular things, so wouldn’t you be interested in that?

Oh? Is something wrong?

Well… You won’t forgive me for what happened the other day unless I do this, will you?

I know! You gave me less food the other day, didn’t you?

The fish I got was more burnt than usual too!

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

Jeez. That’s such an ordinary way of getting back at me.

[03:02]
So what do you want to do?

Alright.

But make sure you give me the same food as before.

Come on, give me your things. I’ll carry them for you.

Let’s go then.

What do you think?

It’s more lively and bright than you imagined, isn’t it?

I think you’ve misunderstood, so I’m going to tell you something.

The red light district has more geisha houses than brothels.

If you went somewhere big like Yoshiwara [1] it’d be full of brothels though.

That’s right.

Men don’t just come for the women.

[04:04]
Each day has a festival-like atmosphere so they cheer up when they come here.

Hmm? We don’t have to talk about me.

Wasn’t it one of the errand boys?

They had a box for storing letters.

They deliver letters from the brothel ladies to their regular customers.

That person is selling hairpins and obijime. [2]

There are lots of fancy accessories that ordinary women wouldn’t wear.

It really is your first time seeing them?

You don’t know anything about the outside world.

Hmm? Oh, that’s tsujiura. [3]

[05:03]
That wooden box contains senbei. [4]

When you break the senbei open, there’s a small piece of paper inside.

That’s right. Two customers each take one from the box and see how compatible they are.

To put it simply, it’s romantic fortune telling.

Do you want to try it?

Well, I can buy you something small like that.

It’s not fun just going around looking, is it?

Shall we do it then?

We’ll have one each.

Hmm… I’ll have this one.

What about you?

You’re taking that one?

Alright, that’s decided!

[06:02]
Thanks.

Hmm? It looks like the sun is about to set.

How about we start making our way back to the dojo?

I’d be staying a little longer if I was here on my own though.

I can’t let you go back alone, can I?

The exit is that way.

You might want to keep looking, but don’t you have to start making dinner soon?

I’ll bring you here again if I feel like it.

Let’s go home then.

Let’s eat the senbei we got earlier.

[07:07]
I got 10. What have you got on yours?

What? You got 1?

1 and 10… Hahaha…

The senbei have papers with a number from 1 to 10 written on them.

So the closer those numbers are, the more compatible you are.

In other words, we’re not compatible at all.

That merchant just wants to make money.

[08:03]
Normally they only have numbers close together like one, two and three or seven, eight and nine.

I don’t know what kind of mistake he made for one and ten to end up there.

Well, that makes sense. You’re not my type at all.

I don’t see you as a woman either.

That tsujiura was pretty accurate, wasn’t it?

What? I’m surprised you can say I’m not your type when you’ve got such a good man in front of you!

I don’t care! I wouldn’t be happy even if you did like me!

What is it?! Have you got a problem with that?

Then you should try to show me a little of your feminine side!

What did you say?! I’m masculine all the time!

[09:03]
Anyway… You…

Oh no! People are looking at us funny because of you.

What? You’re saying it’s my fault?

Never mind. We won’t get anywhere if we keep on arguing.

Jeez. You’re so stubborn for a woman.

This is the first time I’ve laughed so much in a while.

You too?

Well, I suppose that makes sense.

[10:03]
The dojo is full of men.

I’m friendly with some of them.

Most of them are older than me.

Even when they’re the same age as me, they’ve been at the Shieikan longer so I can’t be too familiar with them.

So it might be unusual to have someone like you that I can talk to as my equal.

Wait a minute… That’s not right, is it?

Shouldn’t you be a little less casual towards me?

I’ve been at the Shieikan longer than you have.

Forget about what happened in the storeroom!

[11:01]
But I suppose you’re fine as you are.

You’re pretty interesting.

Anyway, you should walk faster!

You won’t make it in time for dinner if you’re this slow.

[1] Yoshiwara is a famous red-light district in Edo (modern day Tokyo) which was created in 1656.
[2] The obijime is the rope attached to a kimono sash or obi.
[3] A tsujiura is a written fortune which is inserted into rice crackers known as senbei.
[4] Senbei are rice crackers that come in various shapes, sizes and flavours but are usually savoury.

Track 3

Hmm? What are you doing standing there?

I was just thinking of stopping, so it’s fine.

What about you? Have you finished your work?

I see. Thanks for your hard work.

That’s right. I train here by myself at night when I feel like I haven’t done enough during the day.

I usually start later than this, but the wind felt nice so I started early.

Unusual? What do you mean?

I’m always being serious!

Jeez. You’re so not cute.

[01:01]
It’s pretty warm though.

Sorry, but could you bring a wet towel to my room?

I’ve gotten pretty sweaty.

Alright then. I’ll be going back to my room first.

Oh? That was quick.

Come in.

Hmm? Oh…

You can put it down if you move those clothes over there.

[02:06]
It doesn’t matter if it’s a little messy, does it?

I don’t like complicated things like tidying up.

You’re a maid so it’s okay if you do it.

There’s nothing that I would mind anyone seeing.

Thanks.

Well, I suppose it would be dangerous near the lamp…

Oh, are you going to tidy up?

That’d be helpful!

Ah… That’s…

Don’t keep looking! Everyone keeps erotic pictures…

I think I’ll clean my room by myself after all.

You can stop after you’ve finished that.

[03:08]
Hmm? Ah… My sword?

It doesn’t matter if I just leave it lying around.

I don’t feel like treating it carefully.

I sometimes use it when training and I’d be in trouble if it got lost.

But it’s bothersome to go to the trouble of putting it on a rack or in a cupboard.

I don’t know about the other men.

Those men who care about their swords can do what they like.

Carrying a wooden sword when I go out is good enough.

Anyway, you can just leave it alone. I’ll put it away if I feel like it.

[04:06]
Hmm? What’s the matter?

What? You can’t wipe off the sweat while I’m dressed, can you?

Why are you angry?

Ah… Are you embarrassed?

Your face is red!

It is red! I see…

What is it? Do you want to sleep with me?

You can be honest!

It’s alright. It’s night time anyway.

Even women feel that way sometimes.

That was close!

I was only teasing you.

It was a joke.

I told you that I don’t see you as a woman, didn’t I?

[05:07]
Hmm? I’ll put the bucket back by myself.

Sorry to bother you when you’ve already finished working.

She really is an interesting person.

Track 4

Before long, summer came.

Edo was a dangerous place to be as always.

The Joui soldiers had infiltrated the British legation at Tozen-ji. [1]

Hijikata-san told us that they had assaulted the ministers who were there.

It seems that their actions had reached the point where they were difficult to control.

Even when autumn began, the situation was getting worse rather than better.

Lawless warriors without masters who did terrible things whilst calling themselves soldiers of the Joui rampaged through the city.

[00:54]
At that time, Hijikata-san gathered everyone at the Shieikan and said “Something could happen in Edo at any moment. Just to be safe, you must wear your sword when you go out.”

Hmm? Are you going out?

I see. If you’re going shopping, then I’ll come with you.

Things are pretty dangerous recently. I can’t let you go out alone.

Even if it’s daytime, you shouldn’t let your guard down.

[01:55]
I’m going to get changed, so just wait a little while.

I’m really not used to going out with my sword.

They’re not the same. A real sword is much heavier than a wooden one.

I feel like I’m going to end up leaning left.

I’m surprised everyone can go around carrying them.

Hmm? What’s that look on your face for?

It’s not that I don’t like swords. I just don’t like this one.

Well, it’s nothing special. I’m an illegitimate child.

[03:05]
My father didn’t accept that I was his son.

I heard my mother saying that to someone once.

But this sword that I was given is only for members of the Toudou family.

It’s strange, isn’t it?

I’m not certain whether I can call myself a member of the Toudou family, but I’ve got this sword.

That’s why I don’t like it.

But since Hijikata-san told me to carry a sword, I don’t have a choice.

Yes. Hijikata-san is the person I respect the most.

I’ll do whatever he tells me to.

[04:06]
I don’t know anyone else who acts with such a strong resolve.

So I think I might find that same resolve if I learn from him.

That’s right. I don’t have that all important resolve.

Of course I don’t like my sword, but the greatest reason for not carrying it was my lack of resolve.

Even I want to become a soldier eventually, just like everyone else in the Shieikan.

At first I wanted to make things easier for my mother who was working all the time.

[05:00]
But at some point I wanted to become someone strong enough to protect what was important to them.

I suppose you could call it admiration.

That’s why I did my best when training.

I think I’ve become strong enough to say it’s my only virtue.

I’ve got a vague sense that I might become a soldier.

But I don’t have any reason to fight with other people.

Even if I become a soldier, who and what will I be fighting for?

I think about that sometimes.

But I can’t find the answer at all.

[06:01]
So I suppose that no matter how dangerous Edo becomes, it feels like it has nothing to do with me.

Will I kill someone with this sword too?

I don’t really know.

I’d like to find a sense of resolve soon though.

I think I can become stronger if I have one.

I feel that way when I’m looking at Hijikata-san and the others.

Anyway, I’d like to learn beside someone with a strong resolve.

That’s one of the reasons I’m at the Shieikan.

[07:03]
Well, it’s a comfortable place too.

Someone welcomes you back when you return, don’t they?

That kind of thing makes you feel happy.

I’d never experienced someone saying “I’ve returned home” to me.

Ah… The atmosphere got pretty strange, didn’t it?

I suppose I shouldn’t have talked to you about it.

Sorry.

Huh? What are you thanking me for?

I was just talking to you because I didn’t have anything to do.

[08:06]
Here we are. What are you going to buy?

Miso, natto, nori and vegetables… [2]

Right! Come to think of it, I want to eat the tsukudani [3] we had for dinner the other day.

It was really delicious! Try and make it sometime soon.

Please!

Alright! I’m looking forward to it.

We’ll get the nori first…

Hmm? Doesn’t something smell nice around here?

You’re right.

[09:01]
That’s it! A steamed bun seller!

Are the buns just about ready?

Don’t laugh! I can’t help it because I’m hungry after training.

I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until dinner.

Hey. Why don’t we have those steamed buns?

They’re really delicious.

I’ll buy one for you. Since you’re going to make the tsukudani again sometime.

You looked annoyed just now. You’re so easy to understand.

I’ll go and buy the buns. You wait over there on that bench.

Here you go. It’s freshly steamed so it’s a little hot.

[10:05]
Can you hold it?

I’m sure I’ll get burned if I eat it like this.

I suppose it’ll help if I tear it in half?

It’s so hot!

Ah… It smells good.

It’s delicious! I think this is the first time I’ve had a freshly steamed bun.

You take care eating it too.

Right?

You like steamed buns, don’t you?

That’s why your cheeks look like steamed buns too.

[11:06]
Don’t get angry! It’s true, isn’t it?

You seem to be working hard, so I can give you a treat like this sometimes.

It really is dangerous, so don’t try to go shopping alone from now on.

I’ll come with you as much as possible.

Hmm?

Don’t call me kind all of a sudden!

Of course I’d be bothered if you suddenly said it out loud.

Just to let you know, you’re not the only one.

[12:02]
I’m kind to all women.

Hmm… Well, it’s not as if I see you as a woman…

You see…

Don’t analyse what I’m saying!

You made things get weird! Jeez…

Anyway, I can come shopping with you, so make sure you let me know.

It’s not like I’m worried. I don’t have a choice.

I said you don’t have to thank me.

[12:57]
I’m going to get some tea.

The sun started to set while we were doing all that shopping.

It’s alright. An unexpected shopping trip is a good change of pace.

The weather has suddenly gotten worse.

It looks like it’s about to rain.

Let’s go home quickly before it starts raining.

Come on.

The paths around here seem a little scary, don’t they?

They’re quiet because hardly anyone uses them.

It’s even more scary because of the dark clouds.

[14:01]
Don’t you think a ghost might appear?

Hmm? What’s the matter?

A person?

Hey, don’t try to scare me!

Of course ghosts don’t exist.

Huh? Where?

Hmm… You’re right! There’s someone lying there.

Let’s have a look!

Hey! Hey! Pull yourself together!

Are you alright? Hey!

This is blood?

It’s no good. We can’t do anything to help.

His body is already stiff.

There’s a rough wound starting from his shoulder.

[15:02]
Damn it… Who would do something like this?

It can’t be… Is this the work of the lawless samurai Hijikata-san mentioned?

Someone’s coming. Stay behind me.

Who are you? You don’t seem to be a friend of that man.

Your clothes are dirty. Was it the blood spilled when you killed him?

Damn it!

[16:04]
Is that all you’ve got?

Damn it…

Stop! I’m your opponent.

Are you hurt?

[17:00]
I see… Thank goodness.

Let’s go home.

[1] Tozenji is a Buddhist temple in Tokyo, Japan. It was used as the location of the first British legation in Japan. A legation is a diplomatic office which is ranked below an embassy.
[2] Miso is a paste made from fermented soybeans. Natto is a common side dish made from whole soybeans which have been fermented using a specific bacteria. Nori are dried sheets of seaweed.
[3] Tsukudani is meat, seafood or seaweed simmered in soy sauce and a type of rice wine called mirin.

Track 5

Damn it…

Hmm?

Oh… It’s you…

You’re still awake…

[01:04]
Yes. It seems that we had guests until late.

You’re cleaning up?

Hey. Can I get some hot water? I’m feeling thirsty.

Ah… Thank you.

I had a bad dream.

[02:02]
I’m covered in sweat. You’ll have to do the laundry again.

Hmm?

That’s right. What happened that day…

I still can’t forget about it.

I’m such a weak-hearted man.

That was the first time I killed someone.

He looked me in the eye as he died.

I can’t forget his face.

[03:03]
I keep on having the same dream.

When I woke up, my clothes were soaking wet like this.

Hey. I’m sorry.

I made you see something terrible that day.

It must have been scary, right?

I felt so desperate that I couldn’t see what was going on around me.

Before I knew it, I had killed him.

Damn it! Why am I…

I reported what happened that day to Kondo-san and Hijikata-san.

[04:03]
But no one tried to blame me.

They actually praised me for doing a good job.

It’s strange, isn’t it?

I can’t understand it at all.

What does it mean when people die?

I’m scared that killing him was a mistake…

That’s all I’ve been thinking about.

[05:05]
I’m not the type of person who should carry a sword after all.

I killed someone even though I had no resolve…

It’s not right, is it?

You shouldn’t become a soldier just because of admiration.

It’s taken me all this time to realise.

I’m such an idiot.

Maybe I should give up on becoming a soldier.

[06:07]
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.

That I should leave the Shieikan…

I shouldn’t joke about things like that.

If I don’t have swordsmanship, then there’ll be nothing left.

Because I don’t think I can keep going like this.

Don’t look like that.

I’m sorry you had to hear about something awful.

[07:08]
Thanks for the hot water.

You must be tired. Go to sleep as soon as you’re done.

Goodnight then.

That day, I felt as if everything I believed in had crumbled and there was nothing I could do.

This was the first time I’d hesitated about the path I would take.

[08:02]
Even if I could turn back time, where would I start?

Now, when night falls, the dream of a different life for myself is crushed by the unchanging reality.

Track 6

Before I knew it, it was almost spring.

Although the seasons change, my heart stays in the same place.

Not long ago, I told Hijikata-san and Kondo-san that I wanted to leave the Shieikan.

But they wouldn’t let me leave.

No… They said I should at least stay at the dojo until I decided what I wanted to do.

I didn’t think I would be able to find it that easily.

[01:07]
That’s because there’s nothing left for me.

Even so, I wasn’t able to keep on refusing the kindness of the people who had taken care of me and I stayed at the Shieikan out of habit.

Time had left me behind and gone somewhere I couldn’t reach.

Although I’m in a hurry, my feet don’t seem to move at all.

[02:03]
What will I feel from now on? What should I live for?

I kept on looking for the answer that I could never reach, no matter how long I spent thinking in the pitch black darkness.

Hmm?

Oh… It’s you.

[03:04]
I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d get some fresh air.

What about you?

Me? Did you want something?

What is this? Steamed buns?

Ah… I’ll have one then.

Why don’t you sit down here?

Hmm?

No… It doesn’t taste bad.

[04:08]
I loved the steamed buns from this shop though.

You went to the trouble of buying it for me… Sorry.

You’re worried about me, aren’t you?

I haven’t eaten most of the food you’ve made for me recently.

It’s not just my appetite. My energy and strength have disappeared too.

[05:03]
As soon as I gave up learning how to use a sword, everything in this world seemed dull.

The moon up there shined brighter before, but now it looks dull.

Was the night always this dark?

I didn’t think that I would lose the will to live just because I lost my dream.

[06:04]
Maybe learning how to use a sword really was the only thing that I had.

But why don’t I feel like picking up a sword again?

Even I know that I’m saying something cowardly.

But I don’t feel like trying to be strong…

It’s no good, but you’re the only person I can talk to about this.

[07:02]
What is it? You’re crying?

That kind of expression doesn’t suit you.

You look best when you’re smiling.

Huh?

I don’t know about that. I’ve forgotten what it looks like when I smile.

Even if you tell me that it looks better, I can’t understand it.

Anyway, we’re not talking about me…

What is it?

Why’d you hold my hand?

Ah… Don’t you seem a little thinner too?

[08:06]
Are you worried about the time I said you looked like a steamed bun?

Why are you crying? I don’t know what to do when you cry.

Come on. Your eyes are going to get all puffy.

You should smile. Okay?

What is it? Tell me.

Huh?

All I did was watch the tears that rolled down your cheeks fall to the ground.

[09:02]
Your voice resounded in my mind, like a distant ringing sound.

I don’t know what you’re trying to say.

What do you mean I should make you the reason I carry a sword?

Well, your life would have been in danger if I hadn’t killed that lawless soldier before…

If you were the most important person to me, then my sense of pride at protecting you would be greater than the regret I felt for killing someone.

[10:14]
I might be able to enjoy learning to use a sword again.

But wouldn’t that seem like an afterthought?

That would be inconsiderate to you.

You don’t mind?

Your sorrowful eyes which were wet with tears captured me directly.

I suddenly had the illusion that time had stopped.

Tears fell down from your cheeks again.

[11:04]
Next to you, the half eaten steamed bun pitifully dropped to the ground.

I reflected on your words in my mind.

If you really have become someone I should protect, even if it means having to kill, then will the feeling of regret which continues to smoulder in my heart become a sense of pride instead?

My heart, which had frozen like ice, feels like it might gradually start to melt.

[12:00]
There is a tense feeling in the depth of my heart and the urge to tear it apart rushed through my body.

You say some strange things, don’t you?

You dummy. I should become that person if I can?

But if I can pick up a sword again, then that’s what I want to do.

[13:01]
Why are you saying this much anyway?

You could have just left me alone!

What? You don’t even know the reason…

Hey, you…

What’s that supposed to mean?

It has nothing to do with you whether I smile or not.

I really don’t get it.

Thank you though.

Hey.

[14:03]
If you’re serious about what you said, then can I ask you to do something?

I want you to sleep with me, just for tonight.

I remember that day when I’m lying alone and it’s unbearable.

But I might be able to relax and sleep if someone is with me.

[15:01]
I see. Thank you.

The bed feels so small with two people in it.

But it’s warmer than usual.

Come closer. Your feet are going to stick out of the bed.

[16:06]
I can hear the sound of your heartbeat.

It’s a little fast.

No, it’s not too loud. It’s actually comforting.

Your body feels warm.

It’s really relaxing.

I think I’ll be able to sleep properly for the first time in a while.

Goodnight.

Track 7

From then on, you would secretly come to my room at night.

You had seen through my attempt to put on a brave face by saying “Just for tonight.”

When the sky grew light and I began to hear the birds singing, you quietly got out of bed and left the room.

It became natural for me to pretend to be asleep as I watched you leave.

[00:59]
My frozen heart gradually began to warm and melted like tears.

Before long, it became a clear pool of water.

I felt as if my legs had taken a step forward.

A step I reflexively took so that I wouldn’t fall, while being supported from behind by you.

Even so, that first step was incredibly precious and important to me.

[02:33]
Good morning.

I had a good dream for the first time in a while.

That’s right. A dream about the day I walked around the hanamachi with you.

It was the first time I’d been able to feel at ease when being with someone.

I remember that it was a new experience for me.

I suppose it started then… Your existence grew greater inside me.

[03:31]
So…

No… It’s nothing.

Hey. Shall we go somewhere again?

We can go somewhere you like.

Isn’t there anywhere you want to go?

Hmm? Where is it?

Tango no Sekku? [1]

It doesn’t sound familiar to me.

Alright then. I’ll go with you.

Yes, it’s a promise.

[04:29]
Right… You woke up late today.

What about the morning preparations?

Ah… It’s cold!

I guess I’ll get up too.

[1] On the day of Tango no Sekku, families with boys hang koi-nobori (streamers in the shape of carp) outside their homes and display dolls of famous warriors or other heroes inside.

Track 8

The weather is great!

The wind feels good too.

So is it okay if you go out this early?

Is your work alright?

Whoa… You’ve already finished.

You’ve really been looking forward to this, huh?

So where are we going now?

What are we going to see there?

Carp streamers? You mean those things people sometimes hang on the eaves of houses?

You can see those without coming out to the edge of town, can’t you?

Hmm… Well, that’s fine.

[01:04]
Huh? Why?

I won’t be able to walk if you cover my face.

You’re going to lead the way? What for?

Alright. I just have to close my eyes and hold out my hand?

It’s kind of scary when you’re pulling me by the hand.

You’re not going to bring me somewhere strange, are you?

Okay. All I have to do is follow you obediently, right?

Jeez.

Hmm? Are we there now?

[02:01]
So I can open my eyes now, right?

The biggest carp streamers I had ever seen were floating in the sky together.

I thought it was so bright…

Then I finally realised that whenever I had seen this place I was only looking at the ground or the dark night sky.

Indigo. Vermilion. Chartreuse. Gold.

[03:03]
The colours shone into my eyes and I felt as if I might drown.

I simply stood there in amazement for a while, unable to say anything.

Warmth gradually began to enter my body.

I felt a numb sensation run through our joined hands.

It’s beautiful… This is the first time I’ve seen such big carp streamers.

Amazing… It’s like we’re at the bottom of a river.

[04:05]
Hey… There’s something I’ve been curious about for a while…

Why do people put up carp streamers?

Hmm… I see…

We never had them at my house.

My family was never able to do it. I was often alone from a young age.

I haven’t had much experience of celebrating anything.

I was embarrassed that I couldn’t ask anyone around me.

In summer, people tie pieces of paper with something written on them to bamboo trees, don’t they?

Three and five year old children all dress up and go to a temple.

[05:05]
I don’t really know what that is either.

Ah… It’s probably that.

I’ve heard about Tanabata [1] and Shichi-go-san. [2]

There are so many things I don’t know.

I suppose I’m the one who doesn’t know much about the world.

Kashiwa mochi? [3]

I haven’t tried them. What do they taste like?

Hmm?

Hey, wait!

Ah… I’ll pay for it.

You’re so generous.

[06:02]
I’ll gratefully accept it today then.

Hmm… It smells good.

Oh? This wrapper is really cute!

Look! It’s a little carp streamer.

So it’s wrapped in patterned paper…

Yours is vermilion? Mine is indigo.

Isn’t it the same pattern as the streamers flying over there?

This is nice. I like it!

Hey… Can I have your wrapper too?

Thanks.

[07:01]
Oh… Are you supposed to eat this oak leaf too?

I see, so it’s just for flavour.

Then I guess it’s better to take it off.

It’s so delicious! I could keep on eating these forever.

I always eat sweet things when I go out with you.

You’ve got bean paste at the corner of your mouth.

You’re so clumsy when you eat.

Are you a child?

Seriously? Where?

Damn it!

Hmm?

[08:03]
No… I just felt like it’s been a while since I last saw you smile.

You’ve been crying and looking gloomy all the time recently.

But I’m glad you seem to have cheered up.

Did something good happen?

Hmm… What was it?

I know… Souji-kun complimented you for once!

Then what was it?

Huh? Me?

What are you talking about?

You can’t smile if I don’t?

You dummy…

[09:02]
I’ll misunderstand if you talk to me like that.

I see. You certainly have had an expression like mine for a while.

You’re like a mirror image of me.

I realised that when I saw your smile for the first time in a while.

A sad expression really doesn’t suit you.

Jeez! I guess I don’t have a choice!

I’ll make up my mind for your sake.

[10:08]
Hmm?

What could it be? I’m not going to tell you.

Think about it on your own!

I don’t want to!

No means no!

You’re so slow! Hurry up!

It’s your fault for not thinking that I would have gone ahead.

You ended up rushing because you weren’t paying attention.

Huh? Why am I supposed to be considerate?

[1] Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. It celebrates the annual meeting of Orihime and Hikoboshi who are separated by the Milky Way during the rest of the year.
[2] During Shichi-Go-San, boys aged 3 and 5 years old, and girls aged 3 and 7 years old visit shrines with their parents.
[3] Kashiwa mochi are a traditional sweet of white mochi with a filling of red bean paste. They are wrapped in a kashiwa (oak) leaf which symbolises the prosperity of one’s descendants.

Track 9

It’s so hot!

Hey. How long have you been here?

I see.

What’s that? Rice balls?

You’re so thoughtful!

I’ll have some! I was just feeling hungry.

Yes… I’ve been slacking off so my skills are a little rusty.

But I think they’ll come back to me quickly at this rate.

[01:04]
I’ve been busy all day so I got hungry more quickly.

Thanks for the food!

It’s got tsukudani in it!

You know me so well! This is amazing!

It’s strange. I hated it so much before, but now I can’t help wanting to hold a sword.

A wooden sword isn’t enough now.

Really?! I see…

Hijikata-san doesn’t compliment me that often.

[02:02]
I’m feeling kind of happy.

I’m gradually seeing it.

What I’d like to be from now on…

I think I’m going to be a soldier after all.

Having to kill people is difficult though.

I know I have to accept that if I’m going to protect someone.

I’ve gradually come to terms with what happened that day.

[03:05]
It’s started to have a deeper meaning for me.

Of course it’s a positive meaning.

I’ve matured quite a bit, haven’t I?

I want to be strong.

An ordinary amount of effort won’t be enough for me to reach my ideal strength.

So I’m going to train harder than everyone else.

I’ve got to work hard at training myself.

Don’t look so happy! I’m going to feel pressured.

[04:02]
Stay still.

Hey… You’re…

You’ve put on a bit of weight.

I was joking.

Sorry. I just felt like doing it.

Your face looks so silly.

It didn’t hurt at all. I thought you’d be more angry.

I’ll go to sleep after training for a little longer.

[05:02]
You should go to sleep early.

The snacks were delicious. Thanks.

What is it?

Now you can’t sleep alone?

Your face is bright red.

Goodnight.

Right! I guess I’ll keep going for a little longer.

Track 10

Ah… So this is where you were.

No… I don’t really need anything…

Hey… When do you finish work?

Right… I’d like you to go somewhere with me if you’ve got time.

Alright, we’ll meet at the entrance when you’re ready.

I’ll be waiting.

It’s gotten cold. It feels like autumn.

Hehehe. I’m not going to tell you yet.

You’ll know when we get there.

It’s this way. Come with me.

[01:05]
That’s right. I’ve never been into this side street either.

I found it by chance when I was walking around here.

Close your eyes.

You did this when we saw the carp streamers, didn’t you?

So close your eyes and hold out your hand.

Here we go then!

I think it’s around here…

Okay, here we are!

[01:59]
Alright, open your eyes.

Right?

I’ve been living in Edo all this time, but I haven’t seen this many red leaves in one place.

The trees and the ground are completely red.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

When I found this place, I felt I had to show it to you right away.

I was sure that you’d like it.

You see… I wanted to do something for you too.

You’ve been supporting me all this time.

[03:02]
You’ve cheered me up and cried for me.

I know this isn’t enough, but I’d like to return the favour gradually.

It’s just like you said.

That day… The day where I was able to protect you by myself.

Now I’m able to feel proud about it.

That’s right. But I’m sure this isn’t just an afterthought.

[04:00]
When I killed the masterless samurai, my body moved on its own.

Making sure he didn’t lay a hand on you was the only thing going through my mind.

I had to protect the person important to me.

I was determined to do that.

Well… I was pretty shaken up and all I could think about was having just killed someone.

From the beginning, I wanted to protect you, even if it meant killing someone.

When I realised that, the feeling that I wanted to go back to swordsmanship became stronger.

[05:06]
The feeling that I want to become a soldier is also much stronger than before.

You supported me. You showed me the blue sky too.

I’ve become able to smile again like this.

It was all thanks to you.

Hey. I want to dedicate my life to protecting you.

[06:03]
I suppose it’s difficult to understand when I put it that way.

I love you. I always want to see your smile.

I want to protect it.

My hope is to create a world where you can live happily.

I’ll become a capable soldier for the sake of that aim.

That’s what I’ve decided to do.

This is so embarrassing.

So how do you feel?

[07:01]
What do you think of me?

Really?

I see… You feel the same way too…

Ah… Jeez!

I’m going to get stronger.

I’m definitely going to get stronger for your sake.

[07:56]
This kind of thing is embarrassing…

I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said this.

If I continue trying to become a soldier, then I’ll end up going to Kyoto eventually.

Well… I don’t know about it yet though.

I’m saying it might happen.

But I couldn’t just keep quiet about it.

[09:03]
I’m sorry for not being able to hold back.

I see.

It’s alright.

Our feelings won’t change, no matter how far apart we are.

Isn’t that right?

I’m glad you’re here.

I love you. I really love you.

I promise that I’ll protect you until the end.

Track 11

Kondo-san told us that the shogunate were recruiting Roshigumi [1] to act as security when the Tokugawa shogun Ieshige came to Kyoto.

The troop was finally being transferred to Kyoto.

Time moved on and wouldn’t stop, no matter how much I wished for it.

I was thinking quietly while looking up at the moon floating in the sky.

What I should do from now on. The things I should achieve.

I can see your face when I close my eyes.

That’s right. My purpose is certain now.

[01:06]
No matter how much danger I face, I want to keep hold of this feeling that I’ve finally found.

Yes… I’ve made up my mind.

You can come in.

Yes. It’s going to be a little long.

Sit down there.

[01:59]
Well, it seems like you’ve got an idea of what I’m going to say.

Everyone at the Shieikan has been busy packing up their things recently, right?

They’re all going to Kyoto with Hijikata-san and Kondo-san to become Roshigumi.

I’m thinking of going with them. I wanted to tell you that.

Yes. I’ve already made up my mind.

[03:00]
I can’t miss this opportunity.

I have to keep moving forward.

So we’re going to be apart for a while.

I’m sorry for being selfish. I want you to forgive me.

I see.

I’m going to write lots of letters so you don’t get lonely.

I think I’ll come back to Edo sometimes too.

So…

No. I can’t do that.

[04:02]
I can’t take you with me.

The Joui soldiers have gone to Kyoto, which means Edo will be safe.

Kyoto isn’t somewhere you can live either.

You should stay in Edo, at the Shieikan.

You see… Everyone here is looking forward to eating the food you make everyday!

There are lots of people who need you.

So keep working here as a maid.

I said I can’t do it. You have to stay here.

[05:08]
Please! Stay here in Edo.

I don’t want to put you in danger.

No! I’m not going to raise my head until you say that you’re staying here.

I know. I’m always causing you trouble and saying selfish things.

I think I’m a hopeless man!

But I’ve decided to protect you!

I definitely want you to be happy.

So please stay here in Edo!

[05:55]
I’m begging you!

Thank you.

It hurts me to be apart from you too.

But…

We’re not going to be apart forever.

We’ll definitely meet again.

So it’ll be okay.

A promise?

[07:05]
Something like that…

Alright.

I promise.

Yes. You see…

It’s because you’re my mirror.

If I don’t smile, your smile will fade away too.

You dummy. That’s what I should be saying.

Don’t forget about me.

I won’t forgive you if you get close to other guys.

[08:08]
Let’s do lots of different things together when I get back.

Enough to make up for the time we spent apart.

Right… You haven’t seen the sea at night, have you?

The stars and moon are reflected on the water’s surface.

It looks quite pretty!

I’m sure you’ll like it!

Ah, I wish I could show it to you.

It’s a promise then.

I’ll definitely take you there.

I’m going to get stronger, you see.

[09:05]
So strong that it surprises you.

I’ll come back as a reliable man.

Yes. I’ll make you fall in love with me all over again.

Thank you.

I can’t thank you enough.

Having someone you can think of this way really is a joyful thing.

I love you.

[10:01]
I love you more than anyone else.

What is it?

Oh, this…

It’s the fortune telling strip we got a while ago.

Right… I put it on top of the drawers when I got changed and forgot about it.

Yes. It brings back memories.

Come to think of it, we had the worst compatibility.

I laughed a lot back then, but the fortune really wasn’t right.

We’ll always be together from now on too.

[11:06]
Not just years, but decades.

Our hearts will never be apart.

Hey.

Is it alright?

Come here.

[12:07]
It feels strange.

This is the first time someone has been this dear to me.

It feels really painful when I look at you.

It hurts. Deep inside my heart.

I wonder what this is?

Desiring someone this much…

Not wanting to lose them…

[12:59]
It’s my first time feeling this way.

You can make that kind of expression too.

It’s cute.

You can become this strong just by thinking of someone.

I’m a little scared that I’m changing, but I’m happy.

Now that I think about it, I was a pretty unimpressive person when I first met you.

I just wanted to become strong, but I was missing something important.

[14:08]
I wonder what would have happened to me if you hadn’t been here.

I can’t imagine it.

There’s a red mark.

[14:58]
More…

More…

Sorry. You’re so beautiful that I got carried away.

It’s like those autumn colours we saw together before.

[16:02]
Let me see it more clearly.

Don’t hide it away.

I want to etch how much I love you onto your body.

So much that you’ll never forget.

So you’ll remember me every night.

Ah… It really does hurt.

It hurts so much that I can’t bear it.

[17:04]
But that feels really comfortable.

I want to feel it forever.

My body… This pain in my heart…

All of it belongs to you.

It’s wet here.

Why are you crying?

[17:54]
When you cry, I feel like crying too.

I love you.

Look at me carefully. Burn that image onto your eyes.

Ah… If only our bodies could melt together as one.

When I’m with you, I desire you right away.

I feel as if I’m going to lose my mind.

[19:02]
Tell me you love me.

More… Even more…

Hey… We’ll be together forever, won’t we?

Hmm?

[20:01]
Yes… I’ll survive and come back here.

So please wait for me.

You’re fast asleep now.

[21:03]
Jeez… You’ve taken most of the bed for yourself.

Where am I going to sleep?

Sorry for always being selfish.

Hmm? It’s gotten windy.

The moon looks like a steamed bun.

It’s like her cheeks.

I’ll remember this day whenever I look at the moon.

[22:08]
Well, I suppose that’s fine.

It’s beautiful.

It’s the third year of the Bunkyu era. [2]

I look up at the bright white moon, thinking of the dangerous world which will surround me from now on.

I’m sure that I will face numerous challenges that I won’t be able to overcome alone.

[22:57]
Even so, as long as I hold onto the precious feelings which have blossomed inside me, my heart will never break.

So that you can keep on smiling for even one second longer.

While walking along the path I believe in, I will try to create a peaceful world with my friends.

I’ll sit down by the sword rack and calmly wait for that time.

I looked towards my sword.

That sword will probably be my partner for the rest of my life.

In that case, I have to strengthen my resolve to fight through this world together.

[24:04]
I closed my eyes tightly and made a promise once again.

That I would follow my path until the end.

Right… People would laugh if they found out I was holding onto this as if it were something precious.

A carp streamer floating in the night sky isn’t so bad either.

Indigo and vermilion.

[25:04]
They’re like a husband and wife.

I’m the indigo one. You’re the vermilion one.

I’m really glad I met you.

Don’t forget about me.

Even if we’re apart, our hearts are always together.

So you don’t have to worry.

I won’t die and leave you all alone.

[1] The Roshigumi were a group formed from masterless samurai in October 1862 with the purpose of protecting the Tokugawa shogun, but were disbanded and ordered to return to Edo less than a year later, in April 1863. Nineteen of the members, including Kondo Isami, refused to return to Edo and formed the Mibu Roshigumi, which was renamed the Shinsengumi in August 1863.
[2] The third year of the Bunkyu era began in 1863.